Blank Check
by Ashton09
Summary: Richard Castle attended public school for one semester in fourth grade, where he sat across from Kate Beckett. When the two meet again years later, have things changed that much between them? And how will they react to each other as adults? AU
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is the only chapter written with ten year old Kate and Castle, after this they're the same basic characters we see in the show, with Castle being obviously younger than canon. Other than that change, and some obvious AU situations that it causes, I've tried to be as true to the show's canon as possible. If there are any questions about a point in the story at all, feel free to ask in a pm or review.

* * *

Kate looked up from her workbook as the front of the class started laughing, startled out of her concentration at the sudden noise. She couldn't see what they were laughing at from her seat, but she wished they would be quiet and let her go back to her work. If she finished the worksheet early, she might be able to finish her math from her last class before the bell rang. If she could manage that, and if science was a lab again with no homework to take home, she might be able to talk her parents into letting her walk down to the bookstore before it got too dark. The workers there had promised the next book in the series she was reading would be in last week, but she'd never been able to finish her homework in time.

Today was the first day she thought she might be able to get through her work in time, and of course something happened to disrupt her concentration before she could manage to get through even half of the worksheet. And now the teacher was walking towards the door, trying to shush the class as she walked towards whatever it was the students were laughing at.

"Now, boys and girls, is that any way to greet our newest classmate?" And sure enough, when Kate leaned into the aisle to get a better angle, she saw a boy sitting on the ground, rubbing his knee with a sheepish look on his face. His books were scattered around him where he'd tripped, hand drawn superheroes on all of his notebook covers.

"This is Alexander Rodgers" the teacher continued, moving closer to help the boy up from the floor. But before she could get close enough to help, he springs up from the floor and dips into a deep bow, complete with over the top hand flourishes and a large grin. Kate sighs again, the boy has all the markings of a major troublemaker, and the only free seat is the one in her group of two. She's never going to be able to finish her math now.

And sure enough, as soon as the teacher points him to the seat in front of her and he sits down, he's extending a hand towards her over their desks, only barely lowering his voice as he introduces himself.

"Hi, I'm Ri-Alex" he says, blushing slightly as he stumbles over his name, but never looking away from her, hand still steadily outstretched.

Kate debates being rude and ignoring him, but can't bring herself to be that mean. She does however decide to pay him back a little for disrupting her concentration. "Ralex huh? Is that like Rolex, but off brand?" She winces a little as Alex's face falls, wondering if the taunt had been too much. But he recovers quickly, grin back in place almost as quickly as it disappeared.

"I'm a one of a kind original, believe me. I've been told many times no one could possibly act anything like me; there isn't space in the world for two of me. They usually say that last bit with a fun mix of frustration and relief too. Like they're glad I'm the only one of me, but also frustrated they have to deal the me that is here. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like it was a big tack, or a lot of glue, or even a big explosion. It barely singed the wastebasket even."

As Kate listened to Alex talk, she had the sinking feeling that not only would she have homework tonight, she might never be able to finish her work in this class again. And explosion in a wastebasket? Who was this kid?

She must have been staring at him in shock for too long, because Alex cleared his throat expectantly, holding his hand out again. "So, I told you my name and my story, do I get to know yours now?"

"Oh, sorry! I'm Kate. And what do you mean your story? Were you making that all up?"

"No, that was all true I'm afraid. It's what got me kicked out of my last school."

Oh great, Kate thought. He is a trouble maker.

"I just mean, it's my story, the reason I'm here and not somewhere else. My history, my origin story, my past, however else you want to say it."

Both of them startle as the teacher's voice rings out in the middle of their conversation, Kate looking up guiltily as she speaks. "Mr. Rodgers, Miss Beckett, that is quite enough chatter out of your corner of the room. Really Miss Beckett, I expected more respect for your classmates who are trying to study, especially from you."

Kate was mortified to have been chastised by a teacher, especially for talking during work time. Obviously it was Alex's fault, not hers, so after mumbling an apology, she turned back to glare at the boy in front of her. He of course just shrugs, mouthing "It happens all the time" at her. Kate can only groan as she realizes she has to deal with him every day for the rest of the year. She's beginning to understand what he meant by people being glad there was only one of him.

By the end of the week she's ready to smack him every time he starts talking about comic books or fantasy movies. Sure, she liked Star Wars when she watched it with her dad, but is there really that much to discuss in three movies? And she's never even heard of most of the other things he's constantly bringing up, trying to explain to her. She's also had to side-step more than a few invitations to hang out with him after school. She usually claims she'll be too busy with the homework she's not able to finish in class anymore. Alex never seems to take the hint though, just keeps talking in class, and inviting her out after

After a week of too much homework and still not having been able to get her next book, she finally loses her patience and snaps at him. "Shut up, Alex!" She winces at the look of hurt on his face at her harsh words, but it did manage to make him stop talking for once. "I'm trying to finish my work in class, so I can finally go to the bookstore tonight. There's a book I've wanted for months, and you won't stop talking, so for the last week I've had too much homework to finish before my parents say it's too dark, and it looks like I'll have too much again tonight, so could you please just be quiet for once?"

He looks almost wounded across from her, but doesn't say anything as he nods. Of course, the silence only lasts a few minutes before he apparently can no longer keep himself from speaking. "What book were you going to buy?" he asks quietly, shrinking back a little from her glare. He looks almost scared of her, so with a sigh she relents.

"It's the newest "Kid of Tomorrow" book, "The Light in Space". It came out months ago, but I kept spending my allowance on other things. But now I have the money, and they said they were getting some in, and I really just want to read the book before the next one comes out." Kate half expects him to start asking about the books, especially because the titles make them sound a lot more science fiction-y than they really are, but he just nods and turns to his work, sitting silently for the rest of the class.

The next day Alex had somehow gotten to class before Kate, so when she walked in the first thing she notices is the small package on her desk, across from the uncharacteristically silent Alex. He doesn't say anything as she picks it up, giving him a puzzled look as she weighs it in her hands. He just shrugs, and mentions for her to keep going.

The first thing she notices when the wrapping falls open is the note on the front cover, a simple "I'm sorry" written in large letters, as if making sure she couldn't miss it. Glancing up at Alex once more, Kate slowly moves the note to the side, looking down to see a brand new copy of "The Light in Space".

"My mom lets me out a lot later than yours apparently do, so I grabbed it for you last night."

Kate finally manages to force out a "thank you" as she looks up to see him watching her nervously. As she speaks, his nervousness seems to vanish; replaced by the exuberance she's used to. But she couldn't be upset with him today; though she's sure she will be again by the end of the week. For now, she finds herself answering his questions about the book, keeping her voice low enough to avoid attracting the teacher's attention.

A week after the present of the book, Alex passes her a note while the teacher is busy writing on the board. Kate is surprised by the silent communication, by now being used to him blurting out whatever is on his mind, no matter what is going on in the classroom. Unfolding the scrap of paper, Kate can't help but roll her eyes as she reads. "Will you be my girlfriend?" is scrawled across the paper, as if he'd written it quickly, before losing his nerve.

Kate refuses to look up at the boy across from her, trying to figure out how to let him down gently, without being mean about it. Alex is nice, and a better friend than she'd thought he would be when he first walked into the class, but he's not what she thinks she'd want in a boyfriend. Especially not her first boyfriend. He never stops talking, and it's not even about things that she likes too. If she wanted a boyfriend who talked that much, she'd at least prefer that he talk about things she likes too. Although it would be nice to have a boyfriend who talked less than Alex does, Kate has to admit to herself.

Realizing just how long she's been staring at the piece of paper in front of her, Kate quickly picks up her pencil, scrawling a quick "no, just friends" on it before checking to make sure the teacher is still looking away and sliding it back across to him. She can't bring herself to watch as he reads it, knowing that even being nice about it will still hurt him. It's a quiet class after that, neither of them talking much.

But the next day is almost back to normal, with Alex going on about some game he's heard is coming out soon. Kate is only barely trying to follow his excited chatter, still worried she's hurt his feelings. But after the slight awkwardness of the first week after then note, things between them settle into a routine. Alex can't stop talking, earning at least one reprimand a week. Kate usually manages to speak quietly to avoid them, but even with her caution tends to get in trouble once a week. She can never figure out why the teacher doesn't move Alex to a new seat, but wonders occasionally because she knew only Kate would try to keep Alex somewhat quiet. Most of the others in the class would probably welcome his distractions.

And Kate had actually learned how to work on her homework even while he chattered at her. Not that she ignored him, she just gradually figured out how to split her attention. She wasn't as fast as she had been before he joined the class, but she could at least usually manage to finish her worksheets and start on her math. And she's figured out that after snapping and yelling at him, all she has to do is glare and he'll quit talking. It never lasts long, only a few minutes, but at least she can listen to the teacher while she explains something.

She's had to glare at him three times this class alone, trying to pay attention as the teacher explains the guidelines for their end of semester project. It seems straightforward enough, a diorama based on one of the books they've read over the semester, with a paper explaining the various elements of the setting and their impact on how the story developed. Kate figured the hardest part would be figuring out which book she wanted to pick.

"Now, this is going to be a large project, and a very intricate diorama. There is so much that will be expected of you in fact, that the diorama itself will be a joint project between seating pairs. The individual paper will be the biggest portion of the grade, but teams that help each other go above and beyond with the diorama will be eligible for extra credit. Additionally, each of you will want to keep track of every part of the diorama you are responsible for, and which areas you split with your partner. So don't think you can make your partner do all of the work and split the credit."

Alex looked far too excited for the joint project, Kate decides. She had been just as excited, until the teacher announced the group aspect of it. She knows Alex is smart; she's just not sure how dedicated he will be to making a great diorama. And he likes weird things, what if he chose one of the books she hadn't liked? She knows she can still do the assignment, but it would be so much harder if she was bored all through making it. Could she pick before he had a chance? Or would that be rude?

"Hey, since we have to do the project together, how about we each pick our favorite three, and see if any of them are the same for each other?"

Or they could do that, Kate supposes. Leave it to Alex to find such an easy solution. Kate probably would have either done the "nice" thing and let him pick, or dug her heels in and refused to budge from her pick. Apparently Alex is better at compromise than she tends to be.

"Sounds like a plan" she says quickly, grabbing the reading list from her folder and considering it. Picking her favorite might have been tough, but surely she can pick three. Quickly scrawling out the three she'd loved and remembered as having vivid settings that would be fun to recreate and analyze.

Alex offers his list to her when she finishes writing, and she smiles to see that they'd both written "Root of the West" first on their lists. Something about the book's descriptions of small towns and endless plains had captured her city born imagination. She couldn't see herself waking up anywhere but the city, with its constant hum of noise and comforting skyscrapers, but at the same time, she wondered. And she knows that she'll love analyzing the imagery from the project. She didn't know if Alex felt the same, or if he loved the gunfights scattered through the book. Whatever the reason, the rest of the class was spent discussing how to best the display the town and the desert.

They both agree both areas are vital to the story, and neither of them can see cutting either out of the diorama. By the time the bell rings, Kate knows that the project they've been designing will be massive, too large to finish in class.

"Hey Alex, I have to ask my parents, but if they're okay with it, do you want to come over to my apartment to work on this? There's no way we'll finish in class."

Alex looks more excited than Kate would have expected, and quickly nods his head. "I'll let my mom know, if your parents say it's alright, then I can come over tomorrow after school. Should I bring any supplies, or will it be another planning night?"

"Don't you have to ask your mom, not tell her?" Kate can't help but ask. She can't imagine telling her parents she was going somewhere, rather than asking.

"Nah" Alex shrugs, "she'll be out for her work anyway. I'll just let her know so she won't worry if the doorman says anything. Plus, she'll be delighted to hear that I'm not only actually visiting friends, but that I'll be working on school work that isn't likely to blow up in the kitchen."

Kate knows there has to be a story there, but like so many things Alex has said over the past months, she lets it go rather than get dragged into a longer conversation. There's only so much time between classes, after all. So rather than ask, she quickly writes down her address and hands it to him, before darting off into the crowded hallways and her next class.

The next few nights are spent at Kate's, laughing and struggling to keep the glue and other craft supplies off the carpet. Kate had been right, the diorama ended up being so massive that Alex volunteered to come over before school to help her carry it.

As they carry it into the school the day it's due, Alex can't stop smiling over the top at Kate. She glances at him quizzically, but he just shakes his head each time and tries to focus on where he's going. Not that it helped, the boy was clumsier than Kate had realized, stumbling around every corner and making Kate worry they'd drop the project.

They finally make it to the classroom, and Kate breathes a sigh of relief as they settle their diorama onto the table with the rest of the class's work. Theirs is by far the largest, but Kate sees a few that obviously had a lot of work put into them as well.

Kate looks up from her scrutiny of their classmate's work as Alex nervously clears his throat. "So, Kate. Um, I know I asked this a few weeks ago, but um, after doing this project I want to ask again. I had a lot of fun hanging out with you doing this project. And talking with you in class this semester. And I just wondered, I really like you, and wondered if you'd want to be my girlfriend."

Kate slowly shakes her head as he asks, knowing her answer hasn't changed. She values his friendship, annoying as it is, but can't see herself as his girlfriend. He still talks too much, about things she has no interest in. She can't bring herself to say it out loud though, knowing she's hurting him again.

Alex is silent, his face falling as he watches her. His shoulders sag, and he goes to turn away. Kate steps forward before he can turn completely away from her. "Hey, Alex. You're a good friend and I like spending time with you. But you're just my friend. I like spending time with you too. But you're just my friend. We'll still have class together; maybe have some more group projects to work on or something."

"But Kate, I start at my new school next semester. This week is my last one here."

Kate thinks for a minute, before grabbing a blank piece of paper from the table next to her. They've been studying checks in another class, and Kate quickly sketches out a check on the paper, payable to Alex in the amount of one favor. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Alex. And I'll miss you, I promise I will. And someday, maybe you'll be back at my school, and you can cash in on this. It's my way of saying sorry for hurting you. I wish I wasn't. So, someday I'll make it up to you. I owe you a favor, something to make you smile, as my apology for making you frown today."

Her words do get a small smile from him, and he takes the paper from her after only a second of hesitation. "I'll hold you to that. You didn't have to, but I'm still going to hold you to it."


	2. Chapter 2

Annoying. Richard Castle, Kate's favorite author, is hands down the most annoying man she's ever met. It's like she's back in elementary school, with his never-ending talking and ridiculous sense of humor. And yet it's also like she's back in high school, with him leering at her every time he thinks she isn't looking. And half the time when he knows she is looking.

When she had to be honest with herself, she knew she'd been excited to meet him during that investigation. But the excitement hadn't lasted much past that first interrogation. Even the wish, the very slight and very fleeting wish, that she'd been there to arrest him for the police horse incident vanished completely within five minutes of actually talking to him. And while the thought of angry annoyed hate sex with her favorite author had for some reason taken up residence somewhere deep in her brain, seeing him every day kept if very well buried with minimal conscious thought or effort.

She knew one or both of the boys were talking tom him, taking his need for "research" as an excuse to gossip about her. There was no other way he could have discovered how much she hated that song. And yet every time his phone goes off with a new email, "Quiet Hearts" comes blaring out at her. It was never that popular of a song, and she can't see why he'd like it, and yet it's now an added daily annoyance for her to deal with. She knows that the only reason he has it is to annoy her, even after two weeks of having it set, he still smirks every time it plays.

It would be easier to hate him if annoying was all he was, Kate decides. But sometimes a quitter man seems to shine through sometimes, especially when she's reaching a breaking point. Any time she's getting close to ordering him off of her case, out of the room, or even out of the moving car, he withdraws and lets her be. His phone even mysteriously ends up on silent when she starts getting upset with a case, or when his chattering has her seriously debating shooting him.

This case is one of those cases, no leads in sight, her temper frayed beyond mere frustration. She usually has some idea by now of who killed their victim, or at least why, but this one has her coming up blank. Even Castle's theories haven't panned out, which has him out of sorts as well.

"I was sure it was the girlfriend! The woman just looked like a killer. And she totally had a reason to kill him, that necklace as a five year anniversary present showed criminally bad taste." For some reason Castle is pushing today, despite three threats to send him home for the rest of the case.

"Well not everyone can have as much luck with the ladies as you, Castle. Have you even gotten to a five year anniversary?" Kate snipes back at him, whishing he would just stop talking for the day. But of course, the insult doesn't seem to register with him. Hell, he probably finds it a compliment.

"We all have our burdens to bear" comes the expected response. There's something off about his tone, but when Kate looks over at him, the look on his face is classic Castle, cocky and self-assured.

"Well, if you can't manage to be helpful, can you bear your burden somewhere else? Some of us are trying to work here, so we can actually get a weekend off. Not to mention give a grieving family some much deserved and needed answers; and get a killer off the streets."

For the first time that day, Castle goes completely silent, sitting back in his chair and pulling his phone out. Kate gives him one last glance before looking back down at her paperwork. Somewhere in the piles of reports in front of her has to lie the secret to the murders. Something has to be there, something they're missing. Time to take things from the top, go over every line of every file one more time. Something has to break sooner or later.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It takes another week, but they finally catch the killer. Castle ended up being right about the necklace being the key, but wrong about it being the girlfriend. The shopkeeper who sold it to the victim had agreed with Castle's thought that it wasn't good enough for an anniversary, and had tracked him down to tell him so. The man wasn't talking with them about what had happened at the meeting yet, but Kate knew Esposito and Ryan would get it out of him sooner rather than later. So far he'd admitted to killing the victim, and Kate was ready to leave the boys to their work.

Kate gathers up her coat, ready to get out of the precinct and get a solid night of sleep. "Come on Castle, time to leave. The boys can take it from here. I'm sure you've got a busy social life that's missing you after all the time you've spent with us these past weeks."

Castle chuckles and grabs his own jacket, following her to the elevator. "I do have to go see someone who's been missing me lately. Call me when the next body drops?"  
"It won't be any time soon Castle, Montgomery gave us the next few days off. Once the boys break Lucas in there, we are officially on leave for at least three days. After that my team is on call for the next two, but we don't have to be back in the precinct without a case for the next five days."

"Why Detective, does that tone mean you have plans for your time off?" Castle smirks over at her, the cocky effect somewhat ruined by the look of exhaustion on his face.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Castle?" Kate taunts back, knowing she looks just as tired. In fact, her only plans are to sleep as long as her body will let her, drink some overpriced wine, and only leave the apartment when she absolutely has to. Not that he needs to know that.

"I'll leave you to your mysterious plans then, and see you when the next body drops. Until then, Beckett."

Kate takes his outstretched hand with a small smile, touched by the reemergence of Castle the gentleman.

"And be sure to call me if you need a massage after this past case. I'm very talented with my fingers." And there was Castle the high school student, Kate thinks with a sigh.

xxxxxxxxxxx

He only leaves her alone for the first day and a half, of course. Kate isn't even sure what he's doing up at 10a.m., but he doesn't stop texting her until she calls him.

"Castle, it's 10a.m. and you'd better have a damn good reason for texting me this early."

"Um, well… When you put it like that…" he stammers on the other end of the line.

"Castle, are you bothering me on my day off because you have nothing better to do? Because I'm not sure what that says about your life. Surely there's some blonde awake early enough for you to get breakfast with or something." She's not trying to be mean, but Kate really just wants to curl up with her book and relax for a day, forget about work completely. She hasn't even picked up one of his books, not trusting their past ability to distract her.

Maybe that's why she's being snippy with him. Her favorite books now remind her of work. She can't leave the job behind and bury herself in his words anymore. His words bring the job with them.

"You wound me, Detective Beckett. I prefer breakfast with redheads, if you must know. But she's busy this morning, and I'm afraid I slept through it. And as breakfast is the most important meal of the day, I was wondering if you'd save me from my mistake and meet me for breakfast."

"Castle, I've told you already I'm not interested in being one of your conquests. You follow me around at work; I'm not having a meal with you on my day off. If you're bored, go play online poker or something."

There's silence on the other end for a moment. "Beckett, Kate, I didn't mean to imply that I was inviting you on a date. I'll admit you were a little right before. I should be writing, but I'm bored. I'm having trouble switching out of case mode, and this last one was too tough to fit. And too ridiculous, for that matter. There's no reason it should have been that hard."

Kate can tell he's ready to go off on a tangent and ramble on like he does on cases, so she cuts him off as soon as he pauses for breath. "Castle, I understand what you mean. There's no reason such a simple case should have taken so long and taken so much out of us. But it did, and we both need to relax and forget about the case and the precinct. And no matter how I feel about it, you've become part of my work, and these days off are a break from my work. So, we can catch breakfast sometime when you need to avoid writing, but not this time. This time I need my days to myself."

"That's fair enough, Beckett" he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice. "I'll hold you to that."

And with those simple words, he hangs up. He hangs up, and leaves her sitting there in shock. Those words. Those simple, short words. Nothing special about them, but they bring it all back.

Richard Castle is Alexander Rodgers. He has to be. She knows his birth name is Richard Rodgers, but why would he have gone by Alex? For that matter, how did she not know that he was the same person as her old friend?

True, she'd mostly forgotten about Alex over the years, it'd been a long time since she was in fourth grade. Different name, different look, maybe it was no wonder she'd never recognized him. The mischievousness was still the same, still classic Alex though. And the glint in his eyes when he got excited. And the way he talked about everything and anything, whether she was interested or not. But still, she should have figured it out sooner than this.

Maybe she's wrong. Kate knows she's one of the top detectives in the precinct, maybe in the NYPD. Maybe she didn't miss any signs; maybe she's just overly tired after a long case. Maybe Richard Castle, the most annoying man she's ever met, isn't the same person as the boy who was a better friend than she'd realized she had. Maybe he wasn't the boy who indirectly got her interested in comic books, in magic, in sci-fi and fantasy. It doesn't make any sense, to think that her childhood friend is now all grown up, well as grown up as Richard Castle can ever be, and following her around a New York City police precinct every day.

But Kate can't shake the feeling that he has to be the same person. There's been an odd sense of familiarity with him since the beginning. She'd written it off as his womanizing attitude and her suppressed star-struck reaction, but what if it was more?

What if the boy who had indirectly given her some of the best memories of her life, had also indirectly saved her life years later?


	3. Chapter 3

She ends up spending the rest of the morning digging through old papers and memories looking for anything from that semester, alternating nostalgia with frustration. Why is the man able to get to her like this, able to turn what should have been a relaxing weekend into this search for answers?

For that matter, why would Richard Castle have been in public school, and why wouldn't he have used his real name? She knows he went to private schools growing up, multiple ones throughout high school even. But she's never once heard him mention public school.

Finally, hidden in the back of her storage closet with a random collection of other childhood memories she resolves to take a weekend to sort through later, she finds her old fourth grade class pictures. Flipping through until she gets to her English class from that year, thankful that they took the pictures before the end of the first semester instead of at the end of the year.

And sure enough, standing next to her on the riser is a young Richard Castle. She recognizes the grin, can't imagine how she ever forgot. The number of times she saw it on their first case alone should have tipped her off, triggered some memory of their first meeting years ago. He was talking about an explosion in a trash can, if she remembers correctly, grinning like it was the best thing he'd ever done.

It was the same grin, the same excitement that he'd had after disarming Tisdale. Adult Richard is still as much of a kid as Alex actually was. From explosions in trash cans to guns to his head, the man finds joy in the strangest of places.

Remembering the grin brings back memories of the semester, from the incessant talking about comic books, to her glare being enough to shut him up. She really wishes that was still enough, but now he just seems to find it hot. And a little frightening, she thinks, though that probably only adds to the hotness factor for him now that she thinks about it.

She also remembers the IOU, the blank check she'd given him just before he left. What if he remembers? She's already dodged a bullet with the "I saved you're life so you owe me" situation, but there had been enough suggestiveness in his conditions to worry her now. And she owed him a breakfast meal already. What if he cashed in the IOU to upgrade it to an actual date? She'd intended it to be a favor for a friend, an innocent gesture from a ten year old girl who felt bad about hurting a friend's feelings.

Then again, who says he even remembers her? True, she hasn't changed her name, but she knows she looks as different from her ten year old self as he does from his. And she'd like to think she's grown up more than he has, become a lot more mature and adult. He might be the same kid aged a few years, but she's had to give up a lot of the innocence she had at that age. She knows it's toughened her, that the things she's seen have changed her.

And it's not like Kate is an uncommon name. Even Beckett is a common last name, and there have to be any number of Katherine Becketts in the city. Maybe she's worrying about nothing. And if he doesn't remember her, if he doesn't remember the blank check she'd given him, then does she even have to honor it? Does she have some obligation to remind him, to pay her debt?

"Damn him" Kate swears to herself, pushing the old papers to the side and scrambling out of her closet. The man isn't anywhere near her and he's still got her halfway to pissed off. Maybe not shooting him can be the friendly favor she owes him. Not shooting, smacking, pushing out of a moving vehicle, or otherwise physically harming him. Though she supposes that means she'd have to quit twisting his ear and nose, and that's the only foolproof way she's found to get his attention.

She's not going to obsess about this, she tells herself firmly. She's just tired from the case, still recovering after pushing herself too hard over too long a stretch. Richard Castle is not still the same person she went to school with, and she can't suddenly react to him as if he was. Realistically, nothing has changed between them. He's still the same annoying ass he's been for the past months, whatever shared history they have.

Once the weekend is over, once they have another body and things are back to normal, she can't let herself be distracted by this. It doesn't mean anything, and she can't let it affect their work. She has more control than that, surely.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Kate and the boys actually make it back to work for a few days before their team gets called out for a body. The boys take the downtime as an opportunity to reorganize cold storage so they have a hidden niche for the beer they like to keep in the back, and Kate spends the days working on paperwork. Well, paperwork and using the normalcy of the routine to convince herself that everything is still the same.

But when her phone wakes her up just before her alarm goes off, she starts to wonder if she's actually convinced herself of anything. It seems like a fairly straightforward case, a normal day at work for a homicide detective. And for Kate, that means a call to one very annoying man-child, the same call she's made so many times these past few months that she's starting to lose count. And it's an early morning call, usually her favorite way to call him in. If he's going to follow her around and annoy her, at least she can make him suffer through being awake before the sun is up.

But this morning, she hesitates before calling. She hasn't talked to him since the phone call that started this ridiculous turmoil, and she's not sure she'll be able to act like nothing has changed once she hears his voice again.

"So much for 'nothing's changed'" Kate mutters as she tosses her phone aside, deciding against calling him for the moment. She'll take a nice shower to wake herself up, to clear the sleep fogging her brain, and then she'll call him. It'll make him late to the scene, and he'll pout for the first half of the morning at missing the body, but she'll deal. The more annoying he is, maybe the more normal things will seem for the day.

But of course nothing can go right for her, and not only does he miss the body, but half of the takedown as well. Nearly gets himself shot as well, walking in with coffee in the middle of a showdown. The killer had waited until the uniforms left to sneak inside and grab evidence he'd accidentally left behind, not realizing the detectives were still inside looking at the scene.

True, Kate and the boys were used to his interference in their cases and had managed to react more quickly than the killer, but the bad situation could easily have been worse. Kate's used to seeing death, learned to ignore the untrained human side of her brain that constantly shows her the worst ways things could turn out. That reminds her every time she clears a scene that one wrong step and she or the boys could end up next to their victims in the morgue.

But she hasn't gotten used to Castle risking himself. She hasn't come to terms with the fact that if she makes a wrong move, another civilian could end up dead. That she could be the cause of another homicide, another victim to get justice for. Even though they've been in dangerous situations before, something about seeing him walk through the door and into the line of fire has Kate on edge.

Obviously knowing who he is changed something. It's not just the world's most annoying man walking into danger with her. Not just the man she'd gladly shoot herself on bad days. It's also the little boy who so naively asked her to be his girlfriend years ago. The little boy who talked through class, who made her realize getting in trouble in class wasn't a life ending event, who willingly poured hours of his time into helping build an amazing project with her. He had a history to her now, a history with her.

So even if he was the same annoying jackass he'd been a week ago, Kate has to admit that things have changed. She's going to have to learn how to see past their history when they go into situations that could leave one or both of them dead. And she kind of hates him for it, irrational as the emotion is.

She's silent on the ride back to the precinct, ignoring his griping about missing all of the action. It's constant in her ear, would be soothing if it wasn't annoying. It means he's still alive, still safe. She didn't get him killed, though she starts to wonder after thirty minutes in traffic if that's really such a good thing.

Of course it's a good thing. Of course she doesn't want him dead. Not actually dead, shot by a murderer too stupid to realize when three armed police detectives are inside a crime scene. Maybe a little dead, like stuck at home with no phone chargers or battery on his cell phone, unable to call and annoy her. That one might be okay.

She remembers feeling like this the first time she and Royce were shot at, remembered looking at her training officer afterwards, being unable to stop imagining him lying on the ground in a pool of blood. Remembered how long it had taken her to work past it, how she'd learned to see the badge as a shield. Castle doesn't have a badge, but somehow she has to find a shield for him in her mind. It's all about mind games, about locking the fear behind walls, safely tucked away where it can't affect her. She's good at that; she can do it again this time.

Until she manages, she at least has paperwork to look forward to, normal boring paperwork that will keep them out of the field for at least the rest of the day. They managed to get the killer without having to discharge their weapons, but there are still incident reports to write up, especially with the added complication of civilian interference. There's also the paperwork to close the case, hand the suspect over to the D.A.'s office, and organize the evidence and reports for trial should it go that far.

Kate tries to send Castle home after he gives his statement, sure the day of paperwork will be boring enough that he'll leave without much argument. No such luck.

"Come on, Beckett! I haven't been around for a week, and you're already trying to send me home? Surely there's something around here that I can learn, or that needs my attention. Maybe I can help one of the other detective teams out for a few hours, see how different their techniques are from yours!"

He sounds so excited as the last idea occurs to him, and Kate's surprised at the pang of hurt that excitement causes. She should be thrilled at the thought of foisting him off on another team, getting a few days away from him without him actually being gone. A month ago she'd have jumped at the chance, whether it meant he was gone for good or just a few hours. Now, she's strangely hurt that he's considering leaving her team for another.

"Fine, Castle. If you want to stick around, then stick around. That's the agreement you've got with the precinct. But you're not going to go annoy the other detectives. Why don't you sit down, help me with paperwork for once?" She hopes he buys the line about not annoying the other teams; he's gotten far too good at seeing past her surface arguments to the real reasons beneath lately. She's not ready for him to start in on why she suddenly doesn't want him gone when she's not even sure of her feelings yet.

But he seems to accept her reasoning at face value, settling into his chair with only a minimal amount of drama. "But paperwork is so boring. Hey, maybe I can take a crack at the killer in interrogation. He almost shot me, surely that gets me police privileges for the day."

And just like that, things are back to some semblance of normal, any and all traitorous emotions temporarily locked away. The eye roll comes naturally, a snarky comment slipping from her mouth with no hesitation.

"No, Castle. Almost getting shot does not get you anything except handcuffed to my cruiser again next time we go to a scene. And you are not interrogating a suspect and possibly giving him ammunition to fight a slam dunk case. Your police privileges are crappy coffee and boring paperwork, same as last time we solved a case."

"But last time Ryan and Esposito did the paperwork, and we got five days off out of the deal. Well, you got five days off. I got an entire week. And entire week and a few extra hours because someone didn't call about a body drop until she was already at the scene."

She's really starting to regret her early morning decision to deal with the pouting.

"We don't get a week off every time we close a case, Castle. Especially not when it takes all of five hours to get the guy."

"Thirty minutes for some of us" he mutters in response, settling back into his chair and crossing his arms.

She doesn't take the bait this time, just turns back to the paperwork in front of her, deciding to try the silent treatment on him again. It hasn't worked any of the past times she's tried, but getting dragged into his pouting isn't going to accomplish anything either.

Kate's surprised when he actually manages to stay silent for more than two minutes, grabbing a blank pad of paper and pen from her desk to start furiously scribbling something down. She doesn't know whether it's a scene for one of his books, or something else entirely, but she decides to just go with it.

The rest of the day passes quickly, Castle filling page after page with neat lines of writing, and Kate finishing up most of the paperwork for the standoff and the case. She's not used to how content she can feel with him next to her like that, but he's surprisingly good company when he's quiet on his own rather than because she's getting upset.

It's the first time he's started to feel like a partner, rather than a tag-along, and Kate kind of likes it. He may not have a badge, but partners protect each other, and Kate can be his badge, his shield. This man, the quiet one who asks for a new pen when his runs out rather than going through her desk pretending to look for one, this is a man she can be friends with. That she can be friends with again.

Maybe things between them haven't changed that much over the years after all.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few cases are thankfully less Castle dangerous and more Castle ridiculous, with more people trying to confuse them than kill them. Kate never thought she'd be grateful for a case full of Castle innuendo and craziness, but here she is.

But at least no one had tried to kill them lately. Though the suspect with an apparent aversion to personal hygiene might have technically counted, they'd had to air out the interrogation room for hours after he'd left. But there hadn't been reason to so much as draw her gun since the standoff.

She's thankful that there hasn't been any extreme levels of danger over the past few weeks. It's given her some time to compartmentalize her feelings for Castle, to train herself in low pressure situations to regard him as protected. It's also kept her from revisiting the nightmare of a ten year old Alexander Rodgers getting shot in the middle of a standoff she had after the last incident. Hopefully, the three weeks since then have given her enough time that she won't have the nightmare every time someone pulls a gun on them.

Even though she'll gladly take the crazy theories over physical danger, she still spends every case annoyed by them. Really, what possible motive would a man's barber have to kill him? And how would he have gotten his hands on an industrial strength cider press? And there was the CIA conspiracy idea because the next case had a victim who ate Russian before he died. Shot in the park in a high traffic drug area, but of course he was actually a CIA hit.

Hopefully he wasn't putting a CIA twist in the books. Not that she cares about the books. She'd read every one of his earlier books, true. Loved each of them, reread them regularly. But these new books, she wasn't sure about them. Not just the name, though she's still ready to shoot him over that one every time he mentions it.

No, Kate doesn't care about these because she won't let herself. The hints he's dropped, the times in the cases that he seems most inspired, she's worried about how close to home the books will hit. Ever since the standoff, he's let himself write furiously at the precinct, filling page after page of a notebook as he sits next to her desk. It's not just notes jotted down on random receipts and pieces of paper anymore.

And what worries Kate are the times he's most likely to go into a writing frenzy. True, some of the times have been after his craziest theories, like the barber being a sleeper agent for a cult of underground monks. She's used to those showing up in his books, sometimes as subplots, sometimes as the main story. As he'd pointed out in that first interrogation, one of his books was about Wiccans out for blood. The man has a flair for the dramatic wider than the Pacific Ocean, that hasn't changed since they were kids and he thought comic books were the height of literature.

But he also could spend hours writing after finding out a personal fact Kate let slip. She mentioned that her mother had made her take guitar lessons as a child, he wrote solidly for the next half hour, not even looking up when she left her desk, or when she came back. Just how many little facts about her life were going to end up in his books? Were they really going to be 'loosely based' on her, or was it going to end up more as a " _West Side Story_ is completely different than _Romeo and Juliet_ " comparison?

She doesn't know, and that worries her. She's still upset that she's even being used as character inspiration anyway, that the annoying man-child currently acting as her partner didn't even bother to ask how she felt about it. And she doesn't even know how much of her life is actually going to make it into the books. For all she knows he's writing Nikki Heat into some guitar wielding assassin who uses the strings as garrotes before serenading Russian mobsters into the back of police cruisers, or something equally as ridiculous.

They've been stuck in the precinct today, finishing paperwork for the latest closed case. Castle keeps insisting no one reads the paperwork once it's filed, trying to get her to throw in random details to prove that he's right.

"Come on, Beckett. Just say his skin tone was green, you can claim it's a typo if someone actually reads these things and calls you on it! I need to know, for a plot point."

"Castle, you claim _everything_ is for a plot point. And since you won't tell me what the plot actually is, that argument doesn't work. Last week you wanted me to throw warm milk on the boys to see how they'd react, and I don't have the faintest idea how that would actually fit into a book."

He's got that damn smirk on his face that Kate's far too familiar with after six months, the one he wears when he's about to start spouting bullshit in an attempt to get something from her. Usually it's crime scene photos, or permission to call the suspect in interrogation rude names. This time it's more original, at least.

"That was totally plot related. You see, there's a scene where Nikki is trying to sleep on the break room couch, and of course the boys won't abandon their leader in a tough spot. So Nikki makes warm milk to try and put herself to sleep, the boys start up a poker game in the bullpen, Ochoa hides an ace up his sleeve, and the two start arguing. Nikki throws the milk on them to get them to clear out. Totally a valid plot idea."

"Castle, if you put that in the book, the boys will shoot you, and I will get Lanie to rule your death accidental. And if you have me throw actual milk on them, they will shoot you, and I will get Lanie to rule your death accidental. Are we clear?" Apparently her glare is clear enough for him, as he sits back in his chair, pouting but silent.

She really hopes the actual plot of the book is better than "Nikki throws warm milk on her team"… Not that she cares about the book.

She's finishing up the last report when she notices Castle isn't writing, even though he's sitting silently at her desk. Usually, he's either writing, staring creepily at her as she does paperwork and calling it research when she calls him on it, or throwing out random facts or theories. This time, he's just sitting there, staring off into the distance, occasionally tapping his fingers silently against the desk.

"Castle, if paperwork is boring you, you can go home you know. Not like you're required to stay until you're off duty like the rest of us mortals."

He actually startles at her words, surprising her. "No, I was just thinking. Do people actually read these reports? Or could there be a wealth of information hidden away in them, truths lost to humanity because no one will ever see them again."

"The cure for cancer is not in old police reports, Castle" Kate says with an eye roll, wondering where he might have been going with the thought. "And most of the time, especially if the case goes to trial; these old reports get looked at several times. They could also be pulled for similar crimes they might be linked to, random compliance audits, any number of reasons. So no, I will not say the suspect was green just to prove a point to you. Especially with him lawyering up and this case likely to go to trial."

He actually looks disappointed as she shoots his idea down, and Kate's surprised that she feels a little sorry for him. Maybe he really did have an idea for a valid plot, and she underestimated him. Maybe the book won't be as bad as she's afraid it will, no CIA conspiracies or liquid throwing. Maybe it'll be more realistic than his previous works.

That's the reason he gave for following her around after all, for research to lend a feeling of legitimacy to his books. Even if it's clear to everyone who sees him that he's following her because he thinks she's hot, she's determined to stick to the cover story. Especially if the books are going to be about a character based on her. She remembers how wild his stories could get when they were kids, superheroes and spies and breaking the laws of physics. If she's going to be involved, even as a character based on her, she'd prefer the plots to be a little more realistic.

She's getting close to finishing the paperwork, all mentioned individuals described using the correct human traits, and five o'clock is getting closer as well. She's glad they finished the case in time for their scheduled weekend. She actually has two days off and a day on call in a row, and this time she's thinking she might use the time to go out and do something. Catch up on movies she's missed with the longer days, do some shopping for a new outfit or pair of shoes, maybe see if Lanie is free any of the days and have a girl's bar night.

The past three weeks since her consecutive days off haven't been that stressful, not after the standoff and nightmare, and she's looking forward to the chance to relax rather than recover. Tonight will be a night in, she knows, but maybe tomorrow she'll go out, do something fun. Maybe Lanie will have an idea, assuming she's off for the weekend as well.

Setting aside the newly finished report, Kate sends Lanie a quick text, getting a response almost immediately. Her friend is only off tomorrow, not all weekend, but of course she still has an idea for a night on the town. The follow up text has a few more ideas about fun on the town, but Kate figures she'll stick with the drinks in a bar idea, then spend her second day off shopping.

"Why Detective, such a smile for your phone. Big plans for your weekend over there? Who is the lucky guy?"

Castle's words break through her thoughts, and she's tempted to laugh at him. Also tempted to insinuate Lanie is her date, but he'll either buy the lie and she'll never hear the end of it, or he'll call her on it and take any potential humor out of the retort. Probably the latter, the man is far too good at judging people for her to pull off a 'secret relationship with her best friend' joke.

"You'll have to indulge your jealous curiosity somewhere else, Castle. It's five o'clock, paperwork is done, and that means I'm off duty and you are no longer my shadow. I'll see you Tuesday morning, unless I get a call on Monday."

"Does that mean I get my answer then?" he asks with that irritating grin of his, standing as she does and grabbing his jacket.

She doesn't bother to answer, just rolls her eyes and heads towards the elevator, knowing he's right behind her. At least she'll get a few days away from him.

xxxxxxxxxxx

She's just gotten out of a long soaking bath and poured herself a glass of wine when the call comes. She debates ignoring her phone, but knowing Castle he'll just keep calling until she answers, so she picks up her phone with a sigh.

"Beckett" she answers, trying to keep her frustration out of her voice.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything" comes the unexpected reply, and Kate starts to worry. There's something off in his voice. "I know you seemed to have plans, and if I'm interrupting, feel free to hang up on me. I just, I kind of need to cash in that old favor you owe me."


	5. Chapter 5

Blindsided. That's the only word for it. Kate is blindsided. She freezes, can't manage to form any kind of coherent thought for a moment. He remembers her, and that's how he brings it up? No sentimental reminiscing, no jabs about either having changed or not changing a bit? Just "I need to cash in on that favor?" The man is maddening, utterly maddening.

"Beckett? Are you still there?" Damn it, she'd been silent too long. "My phone hasn't ended the call, so I know you haven't hung up yet. And I know this is the worst possible way to bring this up, but I'm seriously needing a favor right now and don't know who else to call."

There really is something off in his voice, Kate realizes as she listens to him with concern. He sounds almost tense, like he's forcing each words out. It's nothing like the man usually sounds, words spilling from him like it would pain him to keep them in.

"Are you okay, Castle?" she asks before she can think about it, concerned for the man she's slowly beginning to consider a friend again.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Mostly ok-"

Kate hears the phone drop, and scrambling noises from the other end. Adrenaline starts to flood her system, imagining the worst possibilities about what could make those sounds. She's clutching the phone to her ear almost desperately, scrambling herself to grab what she'll need to fly across town, when she realizes the noises coming from the other end of the phone sound familiar.

Forcing herself to stand completely still and silent, Kate pushes the phone even harder into her ear, making sure the volume is turned as high as it will go. When the noises from the other end finally begin to make sense, she nearly throws the phone across the room in frustration. He's throwing up. Here she is nearly panicking, ready to call in the cavalry to meet her at his place, and all he wants is someone to hold his hair back and baby him while he's sick.

She's about ready to hang up on him now, but decides to stay on the line to let him know exactly what she thinks about his unnecessary dramatics, and the importance of reasonable responses. How is it that the man can make even a simple needy phone call sound like a hostage standoff? She's pacing now, waiting for him to get back on the line. At this point, once she gets started, it's more likely he'll want his favor to be her _not_ coming over.

"God, sorry about that. I was trying to hold it back until I'd finished the call."

"Well you could at least warn me Castle ! Do you realize how that sounded from my end? I thought someone was trying to kill you!"

"Seriously?!" For someone who'd been retching not even five minutes ago, he sounded far too excited by her admission.

"Castle, shut up and focus. You called me for a reason, I'm guessing so I'd come hold your hair back and nurse you through a miserable night of sickness, which you should know by now is no something I'm likely to do, debt owed or not. So ask whatever it is you were going to ask, so we can get on with our nights."

There's silence for a moment, and when he speaks again it's hesitant. "Actually, I was going to ask you to come over because I'm sick, but not for me. I was hoping you could come over and open the door if I order food for Alexis."

"Who's Alexis?" Kate tries not to snap, but he is seriously trying her patience.

"Alexis is my daughter."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Ten minutes later Kate is in a cab heading towards his loft, still reeling from his surprise news. How on earth had the man been able to keep her from finding out he has a daughter? He'd been following her for months now, and she'd had no idea. He'd mentioned something about her being away with someone over the summer, but had dashed to the toilet again in the middle of the explanation.

When he'd made it back, he'd barely been able to give her instructions to talk to the doorman for a spare key, and tell her that both the doorman and Alexis would be expecting her. Kate was still shocked that she'd agreed to this, but it was obvious that he was seriously sick, and there was no way a five year old could be expected to take care of herself all night, including getting dinner.

After hearing that his kid hadn't eaten yet, Kate was nearly ready to smack him for not calling her sooner. There was no reason a child should have to wait until nearly nine for dinner, and he should know her well enough by now to know she'd be willing to help in a situation where he clearly needed it, such as this one. She might have been willing to leave him hanging for a few hours, even glad to do so, but if she'd known he needed help with his daughter she would have headed his way a lot sooner.

The driver is good, getting her across town in under twenty minutes, even in the eight o'clock city traffic. She's strangely nervous as she speaks to the doorman to get a key, but relieved to note that they ask for ID and to see her badge, not merely taking her word for it. Clearly, there's a good amount of security in the building.

But now she's heading into his apartment, and he's probably either in his room asleep or still stuck in the bathroom next to his toilet. Either way, she now gets the awkwardness of letting herself into his apartment and introducing herself to a small child she knows nothing about. Damn him. Her favor is so paid in full.

Even with the key in hand, she knocks to announce herself before opening the door and hesitantly slipping inside. The apartment is nothing like she expected from him. Everything is clearly well made and expensive, but it's all decorated similarly to what she'd expect from any normal family home. The expensive kitchen appliances are all covered in a child's macaroni portraits and colorful drawings. And the living room is full of comfortable looking furniture, looking inviting rather than intimidating for a small child. And for awkward guests, Kate admits to herself.

Kate steps slowly into the front entry, looking around to take everything in. She doesn't see Castle anywhere, or a small child, and she's a bit lost on what to do now. "Castle? Alexis? It's Kate Beckett." She really hopes this isn't some prank of his, because if it is she'll probably shoot him whether or not he actually has a kid around.

But no, she sees a small face peering around the edge of a door off to her right, a matching nervous look on the small face. "Daddy said his police lady friend was going to come watch me, and I should ask to see her badge. Are you his police lady friend?"

"Yes, I'm Detective Beckett" Kate nods reassuringly as she answers, slowly reaching to show the girl her badge. Alexis studies the badge and Kate seriously for a moment, before stepping fully around the door with a small smile on her face.

"My daddy's really sic, but he says he'll be okay." Even with the small smile on the girl's face, Kate can tell she's worried.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, but I can check on him if you want me to." The girl nods, and Kate steps closer before continuing. "I heard him on the phone, does he have a glass of water in with him, to wash his mouth out and help him feel better?"

That one gets a shake of Alexis' head, and a shrug. "He was really tired, but he didn't want to fall asleep until you got here, so I wasn't alone." Whatever other faults Castle may have, he's obviously a caring father, Kate realizes.

"Well, how about you show me where the glasses are, and I'll get him some water for him. If he's still awake he can drink it now, and if he's asleep then it'll be there when he wakes up. And if he's still awake, I can ask if he's already ordered food for you."

Alexis steps forward without a word, taking Kate's hand in her own as she leads her to the kitchen, pointing up at a cabinet above the stove. Kate opens the door to see what looks like a collection of kid's glasses, no two matching or even similar.

"Those are the Castle sick day cups." Kate hears from the girl next to her, almost too quiet to make out.

"Well then, they're perfect for tonight, aren't they?" she asks the girl next to her, getting a barely perceptible nod and smile. Kate quickly fills the glass, and nods to Alexis. "All right, to your father's room."

The girl nods back and leads her back to the door she'd been hiding behind, pushing it open to reveal an office, with another door leading off to the side. Kate hesitates before closing the distance to the door, but Alexis tugs at her hand until she follows, and turns the knob before Kate has a chance.

The room is too dark to make out much detail, but Kate manages to make out the lump in the middle of the bed that she assumes has to be Castle. "Hey, Castle, your kid and I come bearing gifts. You up for some water?"

The lump stirs, and Kate hears a muffled groan from somewhere in the mass of blankets. "I probably should at least try, huh?" comes the also muffled response, as if his face is jammed into a pillow.

"You'll feel better sooner if you do, yeah. Alexis, why don't you stay over here, we don't want you getting what your dad has, right?" At the girl's reluctant nod, Kate drops her hand, and walks carefully over to Castle's side. "By the way, did you already order her something, Castle? It's late for her to be eating."

"She's been in California for three months, just got back today. It's six to her, and she wouldn't let me order anything earlier." Kate has to admit that makes sense. He's less likely to be smacked for neglecting to feed his kid before the night is over at this rate. "There are menus in the drawer for the places Alexis will eat, and there should be a few emergency twenties to cover it in with them."

He's starting to fade by the end of his speech, only managing a few sips of water before sinking back into his pillows. Kate takes the glass from him and sets it on the table, before heading back out to take care of getting food for his daughter and herself.

The girl is quiet all through dinner, constantly glancing at the closed door to Castle's office. It doesn't take much to realize she's worried about her father. She's been away for three months, and then got back only today, presumably after five since Castle hadn't skipped out from the precinct early. Kate can't imagine how she feels, being away from her father for that long, and then to come back to him as sick as he is.

"Your dad will be okay, Alexis. I promise. Once you're in bed, I'll check on him again, okay?"

The girl just nods, staring at the door again. "I can't go in and see him?"

"We don't want you to get sick too, right?"

"But what about you? If you check on him, you could get sick just like he is."

The girl looks honestly concerned, and Kate is touched by her caring. She's just met Alexis, but she's obviously a very caring child, and strangely calm for Castle's kid. It might be the jet lag, but somehow Kate doesn't think so.

"I'm older than you, so I get sick less than you. And I know how to keep from getting sick, so I'll do everything I can to keep from getting sick. And if I do get sick, it won't be right away. Plus I've already spent time around him today, so if I was going to get sick, I'd already have gotten sick, right?"

The girl considers her for a moment, before shrugging and going back to her food. It's obviously not enough, but then again, she barely knows Kate. How comforting can a strange adult be, even one with a badge? The girl doesn't know her, doesn't have any reason to trust her yet. And she's tired, been traveling, and come home to a sick father. It's no wonder she's quiet.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Kate gets Alexis into bed soon after she finishes eating, knowing the time change will start to catch up with her soon. Once she finishes cleaning up the few dishes from dinner, she searches through the cabinets until she finds some chicken noodle soup, figuring he should at least try to eat something, even if it's instant from a can.

Carrying the bowl of soup with her into the office, she again hesitates outside his door. Should she really be going into his room again, or should she be letting him sleep? But then again, she promised Alexis that she would check on him, and he really should at least try to eat something, or at least have more water.

So, with a quiet knock on his door, she slowly opens it and steps inside.

Author's Note: I usually hate putting author's notes in stories, but I wanted to say I really do appreciate all of the reviews and follows and favorites on this story. Obviously this is AU, but I'm trying to keep as many details from the early seasons as I can, just with Castle being younger. If there's anything not explained in a chapter or the story so far that you're wondering about, feel free to either ask in a comment or send me a pm, and I'll do my best to answer anything. Again, thank you all so much for reading and enjoying.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey Castle, you awake?" Kate calls softly as she steps inside his room, feeling somehow more awkward without his daughter next to her. She debates snapping the light on to wake him, defaulting to what Ryan calls "cop concern", but as she again sees the blanket covered mass of Castle in the center of his bed, she knows she won't. Maybe she will if he ever pulls something like this again, but she can't seem to manage anything but gently sympathy tonight.

Maybe it has something to do with the hours she just spent taking care of his kid, but she's feeling strangely nice towards him tonight. So instead of startling him awake, Kate carefully walks to the side of the bed and sets the bowl of soup down next to the still half full glass of water. It's still too dim in the room to really see anything, so Kate looks around for a desk light somewhere other than right above him, hoping she'll be able to get more light in the room without waking him up. Or at least, before waking him up she supposes.

Looking around, she sees what appears to be a lamp on top of the dresser across the room from the foot of his bed. From the looks of it, she thinks it might be small enough and far enough away to fit the bill.

Stepping around the foot of the bed and into the area of the room not lit by the light from the office, Kate moves a little too quickly and feels her foot catch in something on the floor. She's moving too quickly to recover her balance in the dark, but reaches out on instinct trying to catch herself on something solid. All she manages to do it smack her wrist on the edge of his bed frame, crying out in a mix of shock and pain as she fails to catch herself and falls to the floor.

As she lies there taking stock of her pain and trying to get her breath back, she hears Castle's bed shift as if he's sat up, then a groan and thump as he crashes back down. So much for not startling him awake.

"A-Alexis?" she hears him ask from above her, obviously still fairly out of it.

"No, Kate" she admits with a groan as she pushes herself up from the floor. Well, if he's already awake, might as well turn on the main light, right? "Let me get the lights on before we start talking, okay? That way I don't fall again." She's a lot more cautious as she makes her way over to the door, feeling in the darkness for a light switch.

"But I was sleeping" Castle whines from the bed, covering his face with a pillow as light floods the room.

"Yeah, and I promised your daughter I'd check on you and make sure you're okay, so quit arguing and let me." Really, sick or not, the man can be far too childish for her patience.

"Why Beckett, if I'd known you just needed to be asked to play nurse, I would have called a lot sooner." His voice is rough, and faint, but the grin on his face is classic Castle, and she can feel herself rolling her eyes in response.

"Well you're definitely feeling better, so why don't you quiet down and try to eat some soup, so I didn't lie to your daughter about helping you feel better."

"How worried is she?" he asks quietly, slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position against the headboard. He's moving slowly, clearly exhausted, but obviously awake enough to worry about his daughter.

This is a side of him Kate hasn't seen before, but it reminds her of the quiet and caring man that sometimes shines through when she's struggling. The honest concern she can hear in his voice earns her honest and straightforward answer in return. "She's worried, but when you start to feel better it'll pass. She was also worried I'd get sick from taking care of you, and she doesn't even know me."

"That sounds like her" he says with a chuckle. "But she does sort of know you." Kate's face obviously gives away her confusion, because he continues with a small smile. "She's been with her mom in California for three months, and before that she was busy with school and lessons, and you didn't usually let me stick around for the late nights anyway. And every night, whether she was here or with her mother, we'd talk about our days and what we did, and you've come up a few times. Trust me, when you see her after I'm feeling better, she'll have nothing but questions about how cool it is to be a police lady."

"Oh." What else is there to say to that? She just found out Alexis even exists, and now he surprises her with the fact that the two of them talk about how cool her job is? She can't imagine how anyone could make homicide sound cool to a five year old, but then again, if anyone could it would be the man-child in front of her.

"Your soup is getting cold" she finally manages to say, pointing at his bedside table as she remembers why she came in here in the first place.

"You actually made me soup?" Castle asks as he turns to look where she's pointing, clearly surprised to see the bowl.

"What, you'd rather I let you starve? Friends don't let friends waste away to nothing. Besides, it's from a can. Not like I put a ton of effort into it."

"So, we're friends, huh?" He's grinning at her as he takes the first bite of noodles, and suddenly he _looks_ like she remembers Alex looking, so much so that it takes a minute to remember he's an adult now. And of course he'd latch on to that part of what she said, rather than just accepting the noodles and shutting up.

"Well, I owed my old friend Alex a favor, and my new pain in the ass Castle cashed it in, but I guess it still works to call us friends. Unless you have a better explanation of why I'm feeding you chicken noodle soup at midnight on my weekend off." She's got one eyebrow raised in a challenging look, not quite glaring at him while he's sick, but making it clear she's not going to let him off easy.

His grin falters, just slightly, as her words hit home. "I really am sorry about how I brought up the favor, and remembering everything" he says quietly, setting his bowl aside. "I thought you'd have plans, but I was getting desperate for someone to help with Alexis."

She cuts him off before they can get too much farther into the discussion, wanting him to finish eating before the soup really does get cold. She can tell they're in for a long discussion, and she doesn't want to be interrupted by him suddenly deciding he's hungry halfway through. "Finish the soup, make sure it's staying down, and then we'll talk. Do you have any medicine to help with a fever?"

Castle sighs but nods towards his bathroom as he picks the bowl back up. "Medicine cabinet just inside the door, top cabinet on the right. Should be right in front on the second shelf, I took some when I first starting getting sick."

Kate leaves him to his soup and walks to the door he'd indicated, trying not to be surprised as she opens it and looks inside. Even without turning the light on she can tell it's huge, and when she flips the switch she has to fight back a gasp. The rest of the loft hadn't really made that much of an impression as to just how rich Castle really was, but the bathroom left her speechless. It wasn't even how it was decorated, though she'd definitely be giving him crap about the Boba Fett statue in the corner, but the size was breathtaking. It was easily bigger than the kitchen of her apartment, and possibly bigger than her entire living room.

Pushing her surprise aside, Kate quickly locates the medicine right where he'd said it would be, and returns to the room. He's finished a good portion of the soup, and she holds out the bottle to him, trying not to laugh as he winces like a child. "Come on, Castle. At least pretend to be an adult. You still have some soup left to wash it down."

"Even adults can dislike the taste, you know" he replies as he downs a cap, shuddering dramatically as he swallows before downing half the broth left in the bowl.

Kate doesn't even bother to answer, just rolls her eyes as she crosses to the chair next to the bed, knowing he's still too exhausted to drag out of the room for their talk just because she's still a little nervous being in his room. And after putting the discussion off once, she knows she's not going to get away with putting it off again, so she might as well be comfortable.

He quickly finishes the last of the bowl as she settles in, setting it to the side and picking up the glass of water. She's content to wait as he takes a few sips, knowing he'll start the conversation as soon as he's done. It's better to let him start; she doesn't think she'd know where to begin.

"I really am sorry that I bothered you on your weekend off. It sounded like you had plans, and I'm sorry if I ruined them." He really does sound apologetic, strangely subdued as he sits against his headboard, not quite looking at her.

"You didn't interrupt anything, or ruin anything, Castle. Tonight was going to be a quiet night at home. And I'd never leave your kid hanging, even if I didn't know you had a kid before you called." She's trying not to be accusatory about the last bit, but she really doesn't understand how she didn't know, or why he didn't tell her.

"Still, Beckett. This can't have been the night you wanted, and it wasn't fair of me to spring it on you. Especially with the extra bit of springing the fact that I remember you from school, and bringing your promise into it. I just didn't think I could convince you to listen to me on your night off without using it to get your attention"

God, the man is an idiot sometimes. "Richard Castle, if you think for a second I would have left your kid to fend for herself while you're sick, just because you're an immature ass sometimes, then I'm going to have to smack you. You've followed me around for six months now, if you don't know me better than that, then I'm honestly afraid for how your new character is going to turn out."

He's sitting on his bed, shocked silent, and she wonders if she's been too hard on him. But replaying her short tirade in her head, Kate decides that if anything, she went easy on him. What kind of person would leave a small child on their own, especially when they didn't have plans for the night?

"Wow" he manages after a moment, still staring at her in surprise. "I remember the first time you yelled at me like that, you really haven't changed a bit."

"How long have you remembered?" Kate asks after a moment, not sure how else to bring it up, or how to respond to his last comment. Better to just ignore it.

"I figured out why you were so familiar after about a month. You still sign your name with the same small flourish on the 'K', and I'm a writer. Plus you have the same glare, and I get it just as often." He's strangely smug, and she sends him one of those glares, only half meaning it. It's still nice to see him shrink back a little, intimidated.

"They used to shut you up better, if I remember right." Now, they don't shut him up at all. If anything, they encourage him. But they still make her feel better about everything, giving her frustration an outlet even when she knows he's just going to keep talking. "How'd you know I remembered?"

That's what's really been bothering her, Kate realizes. His phone call didn't explain, didn't bring up any context, and just assumed she'd know what he was talking about as soon as he brought it up. How could the man possibly have known she'd be on the same page?

"You treated me differently after the standoff. I hadn't seen you treat Ryan or Esposito like that, and it made me wonder. And then you quoted the book we did that project on. I was going on about that CIA hit-" Kate rolls her eyes and shoots him a glare, but he just smiles and continues. "-and you just looked at me and quoted what has to have been my favorite line. 'No matter how good you make it sound, there's a truth behind every fiction that can tell a better story than anything you can dream up.' Even though I write fiction all day, that's why I follow you around. Nothing I write can compare to how awesome your job actually is."

She's strangely touched by the honest admiration in his voice, and it takes her a minute to think of a response. "I remembered before the standoff, actually. When" she's debating whether or not to remind him, but if he remembers her childhood promise he surely remembers this one "when I promised to go out for breakfast sometime. You said the same thing to that promise that you did when I offered you that ridiculous check."

"And that was all it took to give myself away? Damn, I'm strangely disappointed in myself. I thought for sure the whole 'Alex vs. Richard' thing would throw you off for a while. And for the record, that check was not ridiculous. It was the greatest thing a friend has ever offered me." How on earth is the man possibly that sweet after being sick for half the night? Most of the time he's so annoying she's ready to smack him, and then he goes and says something like that.

"Well, after springing your daughter on me after making me think someone was trying to kill you, the favor is paid. So don't go getting any ideas. And I'll admit that the whole Alex thing did throw me off for a bit, I went and dug out the old class pictures after your slip, and there you were. What was with the name thing, by the way?"

"Well, I'd just been kicked out of the private school my mother had sent me to, and for some strange reason she was having trouble finding me a new one for a few months, so she sent me to public school. But the production she was in at the time had some controversial scenes for the time, and there'd been a few threats made, that ended up coming to nothing. But she figured enrolling me by my middle name rather than my first would be a good idea, just in case. It was never directed at the families of the cast, but Mother didn't want to take any chances."

"I can't blame her. I wouldn't have wanted to either." Kate couldn't imagine how people could manage to get so worked up about something that a mother had to worry about putting her child into public school under his own name. "So, I take it she found you a private school for the semester after that?"

"She did, and I managed to make it all the way through the semester without setting anything on fire. I think that was mostly the remnants of your calming influence though." She can't tell if he's joking, Castle occasionally has a poker face that's impossible to read, all of his usual tells well hidden.

She decides to play it safe and tease back a little, without making too big a deal out of it. "Too bad it didn't last you a few more years, you might have made it through high school without attending every private school in Manhattan."

"Yes, it probably would have been helpful. Although, I did get kicked out of half the schools because of some stupid stunt or another designed to impress a girl, so who knows. Maybe putting a cow on a roof would have won you over better than a well thought out joint project." He's definitely teasing her now, his poker face slipping as he tries not to grin at her.

"What, you wouldn't have written books about me back then? Is that a new development in your strange attempts to win a girl over?" She wasn't expecting to see his expression close down, become more guarded than she'd seen him look before. She'd thought they were just joking around, their habitual banter with added memories from the past.

He's silent for a long moment, and Kate wonders what she's said, whether she should apologize. She's not sure for what, but she didn't mean to hurt him, and he seems almost hurt now.

"Look, Castle-"

"I did write about you" he interrupts, back to not quite looking at her as she stares at him with her mouth dropping open in surprise. "Not, not like I do now. But when I started writing, really started, there was always a Kate character somewhere in my story. Usually a friend or a classmate. Honestly, after a while it just became habit, I didn't notice I was doing it until I was adding to Nikki's character plot. It was just after I'd realized we'd gone to school together, and I couldn't figure out why Nikki had so many traits that seemed like I'd written before. Eventually I realized that I had. In everything I've ever written, you've been there. This time, it's just actually your book."


	7. Chapter 7

She's not sure she heard him right at first. He's so quiet and nervous on the bed, staring down at the blanket as she processes what he'd said. He'd written about her all along? Even when he'd forgotten why, she was always in his books? In everything he'd ever written?

Her second thought is an absurd one, how did she not notice? True, she'd never realized that Richard Castle was the same person as Alexander Rodgers while she was reading them. She'd had no reason to see herself in his books, no reason to even consider the possibility. She knows there's no way she could have known, but on some level she's still upset that she didn't.

"Why did you write about me, at the beginning?" She finally asks, still gradually working through what he's said.

"Well, like I said, your glare was quite memorable. Went well with the friend who always kicked the main character into doing what they were supposed to." She can't tell if he's serious behind the teasing, but she refuses to rise to the bait and glare at him. "And you pushed me to be better, even if only for a semester. Or at least quieter, so you could be better. That stuck with me for a while, when I was settling into a new place. You put up with me, and a lot of the other kids I met after you didn't."

Oh, now that one hurts a little. Not because of anything she did, but Kate can imagine a younger Castle, just as rambunctious and distracting as she'd known him, not fitting in with some of the boarding school crowds she's had the unfortunate luck of meeting through her years as a cop.

"You were a better friend than I realized, Castle. You may not have pushed me to be quieter, but I think you pushed me to be better too." Kate isn't sure why she's opening up so much to the annoying man who has been following her around, but something about his confession that he missed her friendship has her feeling sentimental.

"Does that mean you regret not saying you'd be my girlfriend?"

And then he pulls something like that. She glares up at him ready to go off, only to see him fighting back laughter that he'd somehow managed to keep out of his voice. She's not sure why she's surprised, the man is physically incapable of being serious for more than five minutes. The joke was probably his way of keeping things from getting too serious.

"Not even close to what I meant, Castle. God, are you still ten? You pushed me to lighten up, and taught me how to focus through annoying distractions, a skill that you still make me keep in practice." She's following his lead, trying to keep things light. There's a lot of shared history between them now, and a lot of history that he influenced indirectly for her, that could easily turn this into a much darker conversation.

"Well you know I'm always glad to help out the officers of the NYPD in any capacity, Detective. Especially if it helps keep their skills sharp." He's acting almost sickeningly earnest, and Kate can't help but laugh. He joins her after a moment, losing the look of blind devotion he'd been sporting through his little speech.

When they finally settle down and get their breath back, Kate looks up at him with a small smile. "I missed you too, you know. After you left, I missed having you in class. For a little bit it was almost harder to do my work without you bothering me. I had to get used to the quiet again."

"Oh, I'm sure it didn't take you that long."

"You'd be surprised, Castle. I'd read a line in a book and brace myself for some comment from you, or hear one of the other students talk about some video game and remember you going on and on about it. For about a week, you were almost as annoying gone as you were there. After that, it just felt weird that you weren't there." So much for lighthearted conversation for the night.

"Wha-seriously Kate?" Crap, he's calling her Kate. It makes sense; they're talking about a shared childhood before she was Beckett to him, but it's still going to make things harder if they get into this tonight. "You seriously missed me that much? The annoying kid who wouldn't stop talking in class, who kept bringing up science fiction movies because even though they were awesome, they also obviously annoyed you?" He gets a glare for that one, even years later. "Though I really do think you should have given them a chance."

"I did" she shrugs back, trying desperately to sound nonchalant. She doesn't want him to make a bigger deal out of it than it was at the time. Doesn't want to admit to him that she'd tried to get back some of the pure wonder he'd brought to every class, talking so happily about whatever caught his attention. Hell, she doesn't want him to somehow figure out how into things she got during high school and college.

"After swearing up and down you wouldn't, you actually gave in and watched them? Why Beckett, you really did miss me." Good, she's back to Beckett, and their usual teasing. This she can deal with. "And you liked them, right? Because there's no way you didn't."

He's getting excited, and Kate knows she's going to regret this, probably very soon. "Yeah, Castle. They were okay."

"Okay? Just okay? Those movies were life-altering for anyone who watched them. Admit it, you loved them." He's sitting up away from the headboard now, all exhaustion seemingly forgotten. She's really in for it now.

"They were good. More interesting than I gave them credit for, listening to you talk about them in class. I liked them more than I thought I would." Surely that was simple enough, and didn't admit to anything or sound suspicious.

"Oh my God, Beckett. You're not looking at me when you talk. You totally got into the sci-fi world, didn't you? You aren't just a Castle groupie; you're a sci-fi nerd too!" Damn it, she'd thought she had a better poker face than that. And damn him for calling her on it.

"If you ever call me a groupie again, Castle, you will wish all I did was break both your legs, got it?" At least she can still be intimidating, Kate thinks as he shrinks back a little into the pillows, even if he doesn't lose the grin on his face. But really, he didn't learn his lesson from calling her his muse? How could "groupie" possibly be any better?

"Come on, Beckett! You were obviously trying to hide something from me, and you know I get curious about things. It's not like it's a bad thing that you like sci-fi movies. Or that you like my books, for that matter."

"Always have to make it about you, huh Castle? How do you know I even like your books as much as you think? I read a lot of books." They haven't had this conversation in a while, and Kate's hoping this time it goes better than the last few times she failed to convince him. Anything to get that smug look off of his face.

"Well, other than the fact that you recognized crime scenes from out of my most obscure novel, the fact that you critique every plot point I bring up for Nikki Heat, and the fact that the boys told me you brought in my entire book collection for that first case we worked together, there is a very simple way I know. When I mentioned there was a Kate character in all of my books, you stopped for a moment, and thought through every single book, trying to figure out which character you were. And when you couldn't figure it out, you got this annoyed look on your face, like you were upset you didn't know your favorite author had been writing about you for years."

By the end of his explanation, he's softened his tone from smug and teasing, to understanding and compassionate. How does he always do this to her, take her masks and her walls, and look right through them like they don't exist? How can the man read her like she reads his books?

"You really think that's why I was annoyed?" She can tell she isn't fooling him, but she can't give in without admitting he's right. And the man does not need any kind of confidence boost from her.

"Okay then. "Danger at Midnight". Chapter seven. The doctor that patches John up, and talks some sense into him. She tells him to stop talking while she stitches him up, that if he keeps talking it's going to take longer, and she has a dinner to get to. She glares at him, he shuts up, and when she lifts the scissors to cut the end of the thread, he realizes he's been wrong about the murder weapon, and starts to reevaluate every assumption he's made on the case."

She remembers that scene. The book had come out just after she made detective, while she was still learning to put aside her assumptions and follow the evidence. She _had_ seen herself in that character, just a little bit. Most of the other detectives built a case, and new information could throw them for hours.

"And now you're replaying the scene in your mind, only this time you're the doctor, am I right?"

Crap, she'd forgotten he was sitting there watching her. So much for convincing him that she isn't a huge fan, that he's overestimating his writing abilities. "That's one character" she finally says, deciding to ignore what he's said, and refusing to admit he was right. "One character that may or may not have actually been me in book form."

"Oh, I can go through every book I've had published and show you where you show up. I went back and looked, after I realized I'd been writing you into my books for years." He's smug again, but the part of her that loves his books is fighting to take over, to discuss with her favorite author his writing style and inspiration. The fact that she is the specific inspiration is the only thing holding her back.

"Come on, Kate, I can see that you're curious. Tell you what, I'll trade you. Not only will I give you a character from a published work for you to consider, but I'll tell you about my first stories, horribly written things that they are, and where you fit into those. In return, you tell me about the science fiction worlds you got into, and why." Damn it, he's smug and calling her Kate again.

"Why on earth would I agree to that?" she stalls, wishing he would just fall asleep again. But even though there's still a trace of exhaustion around his eyes, he's wide awake and focused on her, and she doesn't see a way out of this without walking out and proving there's something she's hiding.

"Because if I give you dirt on me that includes stories such as "Invaders of History", then you have no reason to fear that I will ever dare to so much as hint that you like even the nerdiest of sci-fi works."

"Mutual blackmail, Castle? You do realize I'm a police detective, and blackmail is illegal."

"Come on, Kate" he says with a smirk, settling more comfortably into the headboard. "I dare you."

Knowing she'll regret this in the morning, Kate finally nods and thinks back. "The first movie I gave in and watched was that one you went on about for a solid week just before you left, "Deceptions of Aliens". It was ridiculous, but it caught my attention."

Castle just smiles and gestures for her to keep going as she pauses, and with a small laugh she does. Maybe it won't actually be so bad after all.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Sorry for the longer than normal wait, between work and binge watching Orange is the New Black with my sister, and not knowing how I wanted to handle parts of this chapter, I got stuck for a bit. From here I'm fairly certain of how I want to write the next parts, and I know where things are going. I think there's another three or four chapters to the story, but I also thought we'd be at this point by chapter four, so I could be wrong. Thank you all for your patience and continued reading, and again for all of your reviews, favorites, and follows. I'm glad people are liking what I write.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day Kate wakes up on the couch to the sound of laughter from Castle's room. She feels almost guilty for not waking up for Alexis, or when the girl apparently walked past her and into her father's room, but the sound of laughter is clearly both father and daughter. She's not sure how much better Castle is actually feeling, the soup had made a return appearance late in their conversation, but she knows from those conversations that no matter how he's feeling he's likely to fake health to reassure his daughter.

She stands and stretches, but his couch really is amazingly comfortable. She's nowhere near as stiff as she would be after a night on her own couch. Walking through Castle's office and stopping at the door to his room, Kate realizes with faint surprise that the nervousness of the night before is mostly gone. Somewhere in the hours of reminiscing and getting him water as he was sick, she's developed a level of comfort in his space.

It helps that his daughter is already in the room, sitting in the same chair Kate had used last night, giggling as her dad acts out some of the funnier and less dangerous stunts he's gotten into while following her. He's propped up in bed, obviously tired but trying to put Alexis at ease.

Neither of them sees Kate for a long moment as she stands in the doorway just watching them interact. She'd caught a glimpse of Castle the concerned father last night, but now she's seeing him in action. He's still childlike, but now it works rather than annoys. Kate can tell he's still not back to 100%, but Alexis is clearly reassured, no longer the quiet and reserved child from the night before.

Castle finally finishes his story and notices Kate in the doorway. "Kate, you're up! We didn't wake you, did we? Alexis said she passed you on the couch this morning."

"I was really quiet so I didn't wake you or Daddy up, but he was already awake. And it's hard to be quiet when Daddy starts playing." The little girl is obviously afraid Kate will be upset, curling back into the chair a little and looking down at her feet.

"No, Alexis, I normally wake up around this time anyway. I'm more surprised you're awake, after getting used to California time for so long." Kate can't help but want to reassure the little girl in front of her, a little surprised at how quickly she's grown to care for her.

"I woke up, and I wanted to see how Daddy was feeling, see if he was all better. So I came downstairs to check on him, and he was awake."

"Well, how is your daddy this morning?" Kate asks as she looks over at Castle to see him smiling at the two of them. "Is he doing all better?"

"He says he's doing better, but not _all_ better yet. So I can't hug him or I might still get sick too. But Gram switched her understudy day, so while Daddy naps this afternoon to keep getting better, we're going shopping for summer clothes." Now that she knows Kate isn't upset, Alexis is back to sitting up and smiling, laughing as her father makes faces at her from the bed.

"Well, it sounds like you've got the day all planned then. Now, your dad is still stuck in bed to rest, but you and I can head to the kitchen and make some breakfast for all of us, how does that sound? We'll try some toast for your dad, and you can show me where everything is for whatever you want."

Alexis hesitates for a moment, looking between her father and Kate, clearly torn. "Go on, sweetie. Show Kate where to find everything, and then we can eat in here today." Castle chimes in as his daughter thinks. With her father's encouragement the girl finally nods and slips out of the chair, grabbing Kate's hand to pull her into the kitchen.

"Can you make pancakes?" she asks on the way.

"Even better, I can make chocolate pancakes."

xxxxxxxxxxx

The rest of the morning is spent keeping Alexis entertained and distracted, and Kate finds herself the one spending the most time with the girl as Castle starts to fade. To her surprise, Kate finds herself enjoying the time. Alexis has her father's sense of humor, but in a child it's endearing rather than annoying.

The time flies, and Kate is surprised when Martha shows up to collect her granddaughter, hugging the surprised detective as if they're old friends rather than having met only once before. In a surprisingly short time, the older woman has swept through the loft checking on her son and collecting her granddaughter, before bowing out the door promising they'll be back by curfew.

Almost as soon as the two leave, Castle is falling asleep, making Kate promise to wake him up if she decides to leave before Alexis is back. She promises, but seeing how tired he still is, Kate knows she's not going to end up leaving tonight. She knows she should probably be worried about how little that bothers her, but tells herself it's for Alexis. The look of horror on Castle's face when she'd asked if Martha would be making the girl dinner was enough of a reason to stay all on its own.

But once Castle is asleep, Kate finds herself not sure what to do. She'd cleaned up after their dinner last night, that's how she'd ended up on the couch rather than the guest bedroom. The breakfast dishes take her only a few minutes, and then she's lost. Wandering back into Castle's office, Kate scans the bookshelves, admiring his taste in books.

They're not all murder mysteries like she might have assumed, the covers revealing an interest in books from a wide variety of genres, including some that seemed surprising based on what she knew of him. There are books about deep political theories she knows haven't come up in his books, so she doubts they're for research. There are the fantasy books that she remembers him liking, these titles falling more into the adult age range than the children's books he'd read at ten, and travel books that might be research related. But if he sends Nikki to Hawaii, Kate thinks she just might need to convince him to fly her out there for "research".

Kate laughs even as the thought occurs to her, knowing both that she wouldn't have to work hard at all to convince him, and that she'd never be willing to take him up on the offer if he did make it. Still, it's a fun thought, and Kate pulls the book from the shelf to flip through the pictures of stunning landscapes and coastal views.

When she finishes daydreaming about the scenery in the book, she's surprised at how much time has passed. Standing with a long stretch, Kate glances at Castle's still open door and decides to check on him. She hasn't heard anything, so she assumes he's managed to keep the toast and bowl of fruit he had for breakfast down. Peering into his room, she sees that he's still deep asleep, and she carefully shuts the door behind her and walks back into the living room.

Between the quiet of the loft and seeing Castle so deeply asleep, the long night of talking is starting to catch up to her, and Kate decides that maybe a nap of her own isn't such a bad idea. The couch is definitely comfortable enough and that way she'll be right in the living room when Martha and Alexis return.

She's been asleep for what seems like five minutes when her phone goes off, startling her out of a dream. Fumbling next to her head, Kate finally manages to find the phone and answer, not even looking at the display. "Beckett"

"Kate, where on earth are you? You said you were picking me up for dinner before drinks at 5, and it's almost 5:30. Are you standing me up, girl?" Crap. She'd made plans with Lanie for the night, and forgotten to cancel.

"Sorry, Lanie. I forgot to call you, something came up." There's no way she's getting out of this without explaining, but it's at least worth a try. Kate's not sure she knows how to explain the fact that she'd spent the night at Richard Castle's house, taking care of his daughter.

"You forgot your best friend and dinner plans? You better have a damn good excuse girl, or next time I'm not even going to offer."

"It is a good reason, Lanie, I promise. I had to help a friend out last night, and it's ended up being a longer commitment than I thought it was going to be."

"Who is more important than your best friend? And what help is so all consuming that you couldn't spare five minutes to text me. I turned down an offer of plans from a seriously good looking guy for this girl's night, so you better have a good reason for leaving me to a cold Saturday night."

Knowing there's no way around it, and that stalling will only make Lanie more curious, Kate sighs and gives in. "I had to help watch Castle's daughter because he's sick and she's too young to watch herself all night." She'll leave out the late night conversations and shared childhood memories for now, there's no reason to give Lanie more reasons to want the two of them together. And surely the shock of a Castle daughter will be enough to distract her.

"Kathrine Beckett, do you mean to tell me you spent the night with Richard Castle, and you didn't even think to tell me? You didn't just forget to cancel our plans; you didn't think to tell me you finally got your head on straight and spent the night?" Well, that certainly counts as distracted, Kate supposes.

"Lanie, did you miss the part about him being sick? As in unable to eat without running for a toilet? And the part about his five year old needing adult supervision? You're making this into a lot bigger deal than it is." Maybe if she keeps downplaying everything, her friend will see it isn't really that big of a deal. So what if she spent the night at the loft of her favorite author, taking care of his daughter that she'd just found out about. It's what friends do for each other.

"Five year old or not, you still spent the night with your favorite author, who may I remind you is totally hot and totally single, and somehow forgot to tell your best friend."

"The vomiting into a toilet look doesn't really do it for me, Lanie. I'm helping a friend out with his kid for a few nights until he feels better, it's not a big deal. I mean, I slept on the couch for goodness sake, not exactly a glamourous night." Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned the couch, she doesn't want to explain being so tired after hours of talking that once she got things cleaned up after dinner she sat down on the couch to rest and was out before she even realized it.

"You're trying to keep something from me, Kate, and next time we talk face to face, I'm going to find out what it is. So don't think this is over yet, because if you don't want to tell me, I know it has to be good."

With a few more denials and apologies for not calling to cancel, Kate finally gets off the phone, debating throwing it for a moment as she hangs up. She knows her friend, and now that Lanie is curious, there's no way she's going to be able to keep the whole story from her. Kate may be the trained detective, but Lanie definitely knows how to get to a buried secret.

She's so screwed the next time there's a body…


	9. Chapter 9

**AN** : I am so terribly sorry that it's taken me this long to update. I never intended to leave this for so long. I promise I had good reason, but I still feel horrible for taking so long. It should never be this long a wait in the future, if I can at all help it. I hope there are still people reading this, and again I am so sorry for making you wait this long.

* * *

Kate manages to avoid Lanie for the first week she's back, her friend seemingly content with vague threats sent via text that let Kate know she hasn't forgotten and will find out eventually. It's gotten to the point where Kate just sighs at every text, wondering if she should just tell her friend and get it over with, but knowing she won't. She knows Lanie will make a bigger deal out of things than they are, and Kate doesn't need that added distraction as she works through what has and hasn't changed between herself and Castle since that weekend.

She knows the boys are starting to notice, that their behavior is different enough to start raising questions. Castle's changes are less noticeable, he's still annoying and childlike, but he also listens more. He actually follows directions when she gives them, listens without comment when she explains police procedure.

Kate's behavior on the other hand is noticeably different, and she knows it. She's actually laughing at his jokes openly, rather than hiding a smile to avoid encouraging him. She's genuinely concerned when they go into danger, no jokes about paperwork or brushing it off as him risking Ryan or Esposito the way she'd hidden her concern after the standoff. Now she goes into every potentially dangerous situation with him seeing his daughter's small, worried face, and knows she can't let him risk himself. Can't let anything happen to that little girl's father.

When she catches herself fixing the strap on his vest she knows she's taking it too far, but she can't help herself. The grateful look he sends her way is enough to distract her from the curious and far too knowing looks the boys are shooting their way as they suit themselves up. As she leads the way into the building, Castle safely behind her without argument, she can hear muttering from the two partners, and knows when they reach the precinct she'll be facing two interrogations. One with her facing the suspect, the next with her facing the two detectives.

She wishes for a moment that even a single part of her life could stay private, and then pushes the distraction to the side. Unless the suspect got rid of the gun, something he doesn't seem smart enough to do, he'll be armed when they go in. "Stay back" she allows herself to order Castle as she stacks next to the door, receiving a nod without argument and earning raised eyebrows from the boys before her glare focuses them once more.

The takedown is thankfully quick, their suspect not able to get to the gun's hiding place before the three detectives reach him. His attempts do manage to save them some searching, and Kate again thanks whatever force is responsible for stupid criminals for making her job that little bit easier.

It's a short interrogation with the suspect, no more than thirty minutes of trying her patience with the classic "that's not my gun" excuse. The man acts like he's following some idiot criminal script, and if there wasn't a young woman in the morgue because of said idiot, Kate would almost be amused.

Stepping out of the interrogation room to let the man write out his confession, Kate catches sight of her fellow detectives waiting for her and almost wishes eh would have asked for a lawyer. She would still have broken him, but it would have taken longer, and she would have more time before facing the boys.

Instead she's turning the door over to the uniform who will take the killer down to holding and walking into the bullpen. The boys let her settle into her chair, turning to face her with matching expressions. She knows she's in for it now, and wonders where Castle has gotten off too. She's not sure whether she wants him here for this or not.

"So, you and Castle huh?" No, she definitely does not want him here for this. Esposito is entirely too smug, and Ryan is looking at her like Christmas has come early.

"Castle and I what?" Even knowing what they're implying, she's giving no ground. She's performed enough interrogations to know when to play it safe.

"Well, you seemed awfully comfortable at that crime scene. Helping him with his vest, the way he just let you order him around. You two been practicing while off duty?" Esposito is still smug, but Ryan is starting to look like he just opened socks on Christmas, like he can't believe his partner is really going there.

"What, I'm not intimidating enough while on duty? You seem to follow orders well enough." The glare almost sells it; she can see Esposito waver and Ryan fight not to turn back to his desk. But she's trained them to be persistent, and now it's coming back to bite her.

"Come on, Beckett. A week ago you couldn't stand the guy, now you're straightening his vest and laughing at his jokes. What changed?" Apparently the glare only accomplished getting Esposito to drop the innuendo and go straight for answers. And she can't think of any answer that isn't going to get her in trouble. It's masterful technique, and she's strangely proud of how well he's pulled it off. They're barely into the conversation and he's nearly got her cornered.

"I helped him out when he was sick, okay Espo? Now will you drop it and focus on your paperwork?" She doesn't have the patience to keep the game going, and Lanie already knows, so she figures there isn't much risk in letting him know that much. And maybe answering will get him to shut up.

"How domestic of you" he smirks instead, not noticing Ryan wince next to him.

He notices her glare though, dropping the smirk and looking down at his paperwork. Apparently this glare was more effective than the last one, because Ryan is spinning around to his desk to avoid it, filing through paperwork she's pretty sure he's already finished trying to look busy.

She watches the two for a moment, both of them studiously avoiding her looking at her as they pretend to work. She knows them well enough to know they'll probably go after Castle next, and get the rest of the story, but for now she has a reprieve. She just hopes he leaves out the 'talking for hours' part of the story. Lanie might end up getting that out of her, but there's no reason for the boys to know.

Castle comes in after they've been working on paperwork for a few minutes, the boys still silently focusing on their own work. He shoots her a curious look as they he walks by them without any reaction, and she responds with a simple eye roll and shrug, hoping he'll take the hint.

Apparently he does, because he continues past them and sits in his chair next to the desk, glancing at his watch to check the time. "Is there somewhere you needed to be?" she asks him, pitching her voice low to avoid attracting the boys' attention.

"Just checking how close it was to the end of school, making sure I have time to pick Alexis up" he responds at the same volume, following her gaze towards the boys. "Is there a reason we're whispering by the way?"

"The boys think something is going on between us" she replies with another eye roll. "They think they've noticed some things, and I'm not giving them any more ammunition to use. You know how they get when they're stuck on something." She notices him getting one of his mischievous looks, and immediately starts to worry. "And so help me Castle, if you encourage them in any way or spill any secrets, I will get Lanie to help me hide your body. Let them be."

"Fine" he pouts, turning away from staring at their desks. "But think how much fun we could have had messing with them."

She doesn't even bother to respond to that. "I told them I helped out while you were sick. That's all they know, and that's all they need to know, got it? They're my coworkers, and there are things about my life that I might not want them to know."

"Kate, all you did was help when I was sick, what more is there to tell?" They're still whispering, and Kate glances over at the boys to make sure they're actually focused on their work, not trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. The last thing she needs is for them to overhear any of what they're talking about.

"They said it was 'domestic' of us, okay Castle? So no feeding that fire when it was just friends helping each other out." The smirk is back, and she narrows her eyes at him until he drops it.

They sit quietly after that, all three of the men seemingly scared into silence by her glare, and the peace gives Kate enough of a respite to finish her paperwork fairly early. Glancing at the clock, she mentally tallies up transit time to the morgue and Lanie's schedule, and decides she should have enough time to make it before the ME leaves for the day. She's hesitant to leave Castle behind with the boys, but with as quiet as he's been she's less worried he'll let something slip he shouldn't.

"I'm going down to see Lanie" she announces as she stands, surprising the boys with the sudden interjection into the silence. She tries not to smirk as all three stare up at her, but she's not sure how well she succeeds. "Not case related, Castle" she says as he starts to stand with her, shooting him a look that has him dropping back into his chair before turning and walking out.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Walking into the morgue, Kate is glad to see Lanie sitting at her desk working on paperwork, rather than in the middle of an autopsy. She knows her friend is always okay with being interrupted during paperwork, but once she's started an autopsy you'd better be dying before you break her concentration. If she's going to get this over with, it's better to start with a happy Lanie than an annoyed one.

Clearing her throat to get her friend's attention, Kate almost starts to second guess her plan as her friend's face lights up. Maybe coming to Lanie and making this easy for her wasn't the best idea. Though with the alternatives being either at Lanie's apartment on her friend's home ground, or at her own apartment feeling defensive, maybe the more neutral location of work will be better.

"What is this? Kate Beckett making it easy on me and saving me the trouble of hunting her down? Did the sun rise in the west today?" Lanie is leaning back in her chair smirking up at her friend, and Kate starts to think she knows how the boys felt earlier.

"It's not like it's a big deal, Lanie. I took care of his kid, that's all." Kate says as she perches on the edge of her friend's desk.

"You took care of his kid, for multiple nights, at his house. And there's something about it you aren't telling me. So don't tell me it's not a big deal when you're hiding part of it."

"What makes you think I'm hiding anything?" Denial might not actually work, but she's definitely not giving in to Lanie as easily as she did to the boys. She can't give her friend a single sentence and a glare and get out of the conversation.

"I know you, Kate. Sometimes it seems like better than you know yourself." Kate's look of disbelief at that is matched by a knowing smirk as her friend continues. "You're hiding something from me, something to do with Writer Boy, and it's not what his daughter likes for breakfast. And from your look, it's not what color his sheets are either." It crosses her mind that technically she does know the answer to both of those questions, but she files that under things Lanie doesn't need to know.

"Now, Esposito mentioned things between you two have been a little weird for the past week, including fixing his clothing, and normally I'd think that was just him being an idiot about anything resembling a relationship like normal, but when added to the fact that you're hiding something from me, it adds up to something. I may not know what yet, but I know there is a what." She'll have to give Esposito dumpster duty for that piece of gossip, Kate decides as she listens to her friend.

"It was his Kevlar vest, and we were going into a potentially armed suspect's apartment." Kate argues, trying to play it off. "Not like I was fixing his collar or his belt"

"Come on, Kate, I'm your friend. Why are you holding out on me? What, was he some one night stand in a bar years ago?"

"God, no! Why would your mind go there?" Coming to the morgue was definitely a bad idea. Can't she just take it back, go back to the precinct and pretend to spend an hour on paperwork?

"Well you're not giving me anything else. Okay, so if he wasn't a one night stand, and you've only known him since that first case" her friend's face changes in the middle of the sentence, and Kate knows she's busted. "I know that look girl, you knew him before the case. Don't even try to deny it, I saw that wince. So what? College fling? He dated your best friend and you were jealous? He dated you and your friend was jealous?"

"No, Lanie. It wasn't college." She's already caught; maybe if she starts talking now, she can limit the damage. "We went to elementary school together for a semester, that's all."

"Aww, you two were babies together! That's adorable." Okay, limiting the damage might be harder than she'd thought.

"Lanie, we were ten. Hardly babies; and it was a long time ago."

"Compared to where we are now, ten was a baby year. And I don't see why you'd hide that from me. Going to school with the man is not a big deal." Lanie still has the look on her face that means she's thinking, and it's starting to worry Kate.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Please just let it end here.

"No, you've been trying to tell me nothing has been going on and you weren't hiding anything. And since you were definitely hiding something, I think there's more to it. Were you two like elementary school sweethearts or something?"

"No!" Crap, as soon as she gives the answer, she knows it's too vehement, and sure enough Lanie latches on immediately.

"I know that 'no'. That 'no' means there's something. Now, you can tell me, or I can keep guessing. Maybe even call Writer Boy and see who he's more scared of, me or you." There's no way she's getting out of this now, even if she knows Castle will be more scared of her than Lanie

"Fine. But just so you know, he'd be more scared of me." Before her friend can ask, Kate continues. "While I was at his place we started talking about memories and how we finally remembered knowing each other after all these years. He'd gone by his middle name, long story" Kate explains as she catches the questioning look on her friend's face. We ended up sharing stories about the time we spent in between that semester and now, and let's just say I have enough dirt on him to keep him behaving for years."

"And you're not going to share any of it with your best friend?" Lanie exclaims as Kate falls into silence.

"No, because he has just as much dirt on me" Kate has to admit, not looking her friend in the eye. It's true, the man now knows things about her that she hasn't told her friend, and she's not sure how Lanie will take that.

"Wait a second here. You've told that man things sober you apparently can't even tell me after how many drunken nights, and you're still trying to convince me you're not dating? Kate, let him take you out to a restaurant so you get the rest of the package, because you two are an item now." Well, that went over surprisingly well, if in a startling direction.

"Lanie, we're not dating. We're just old friends who caught up after a long time apart. Plus there's his kid, and that playboy thing he's got going on. I'm okay being friends with him, Lanie, but I don't know that I'm okay with dating him and having him get bored." There it is in words, the reason she's been feeling unsettled and why she'd tried to hide from her friend. Somehow Lanie has a way of getting her to admit things she hasn't even let herself think.

"One, he obviously trusts you around his daughter, and I'm sure she likes you if she let you take care of her all weekend. So that argument is off the table. The playboy thing I can see, but if you think any man can get bored of you, then you need to take a moment and reconsider who you are. And I'm not just talking about the fact that you have cuffs and we both know Castle would be into that. Besides, how much of that playboy have you seen lately?"

Lanie has a point, Kate has to admit. He hasn't been cutting out for dates lately, not since maybe the third month of him following her around, fairly soon after she'd let him stay for the later evening police work. He's even stopped boasting about hot dates and supermodels. He's still annoying and childish, but she hasn't seen the playboy persona in a while.

"That doesn't mean I should just go ahead and date him" she tries to stall.

"But it also doesn't mean that you should avoid even the thought of letting yourself care about him" comes the quick response from her friend.

She's not ready to face the idea just yet though, and Lanie seems to catch that, changing the topic to something lighter as they sit and talk. It's still there, still buried in the back of her mind, but she'll deal with it later.


	10. Chapter 10

I am so far beyond sorry this has taken so long, but I swear this fic is not abandoned! This chapter has given me so many problems, on top of some life stuff going on. This has literally been rewritten five times from scratch, not counting the scrapping of massive paragraphs and sections that ended up not fitting. And I'm still not happy with it, but it says what needed to be said and sets up what needs to be set up, so I won't make you all wait anymore. Again, so incredibly sorry for the wait.

* * *

Her conversation with Lanie colors all of her interactions with Castle for the next month, even as she tries to push it out of her mind. She thinks she at least manages to keep Castle from noticing, not willing to have the same conversation she'd had with Lanie with him. She's still not sure where she stands on the thought of a relationship, or where he would stand.

The fact that he used his breakfast favor for a family outing just confuses her more. Kate can't tell what that's supposed to mean, whether he's subtly inviting her into his family time, or whether he just doesn't want to leave Alexis behind. Why does every interaction with the man have to be so complicated?

Kate's starting to hate herself a little for overthinking everything he says, every interaction between them. But she can't help herself, reading into every smile, every joke, and every comment. She's not even sure what she's looking for, whether she expects the playboy to reappear, or the opposite.

For his part, Castle seems to settle into a steady routine, balancing his police shadowing and family life seemingly effortlessly. The boys still don't know about Alexis, and Castle seems content to leave it that way. They've gotten curious a few times when he's ducked out to pick her up after school, but after Kate shoots them a glare and a comment about gossiping like old ladies instead of focusing on the case like detectives, they seem to drop it. If they discuss it between the two of them, Kate doesn't know and doesn't care.

It helps that so far Castle hasn't had to duck out during a takedown, just paperwork or theory building at the precinct. He's gotten his mother to pick Alexis up twice, during one of their harder cases when he couldn't convince Kate to leave the precinct and go home, but other than that it's been slow enough for him to easily duck out without suspicion.

Kate's even been by his place for dinner a few times when it's slow or they're between cases. Without the pressure of looking after his daughter, she finds that it's actually nice to spend time with the writer outside of work. Even without the push of their childhood friendship, she's finding that their friendship is deepening into a real connection. The thought bot excites and frightens her, if she's being honest with herself.

She can't deny that part of her wants a relationship with the man, but is it the logical continuation of their deepening friendship and mutual attraction, or is it leftover celebrity awe? When Castle first started shadowing her, his overbearing and annoying antics pushed any semblance of a celebrity crush, and oh how Kate hates the term even in the privacy of her own mind, to the back of any interactions between them. Now that she's come to appreciate his sense of humor rather than want to smack him for it, is the crush rearing its head, or is she just overthinking everything?

Kate Beckett may be many things, talented and experienced _adult_ detective high on the list, but that doesn't mean she's immune to the lure of celebrity, especially when the celebrity in question has stopped acting like a complete ass every case. Still an ass, she can't see him changing that much, but not a complete ass. At least not for the whole case.

Kate Beckett is many things, but she never expected to be so worked up over what isn't even an actual relationship. High school Kate had been too busy rebelling against the moment to consider the future, and college Kate had been too busy learning to live without her mother. Officer Beckett had been too driven by finding justice, and then finding balance between her need for justice and her need for life. And Detective Beckett had put everything into the job, leaving nothing left over for the luxury of a relationship.

Now here she was, expectations thrown out the window, honest to God arguing with herself every time she started to overthink something Castle had said. It wasn't fair, and if she hadn't learned long ago that life wasn't fair, she'd be sure this was all some big joke the universe had decided to pull on her.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Even with her emotions refusing to behave, Kate manages to keep things level through their latest case. The boys, all three of them, are making it easier to focus on something other than the distracting inner debate about what she's feeling towards Castle. True, it's constant minor annoyance, but it's better than being alone with her thoughts.

Both their main witness and their main suspect are beautiful women, and the three men haven't stopped making comments since the first debrief of their witness. Kate had tried to get them to focus at first, but soon had to give it up as a lost cause. They weren't being disrespectful, she had them trained better than that, but all three were young and single, and she had to admit their witness was attractive, if frustratingly vague on important case closing details.

It didn't help that the reason their main suspect was their main suspect was because of a catfight behind the scenes of a pole dancing studio over stolen clients and boyfriends. She was honestly glad that none of the men had been in the conference room with her as she spoke to the witness, the glazed looks on their faces as she recapped her notes was frustrating enough.

Right now she was ignoring the boys, focusing on the notes in front of her as she tried to find something other than a relatively minor altercation to give her a starting point on motive. Kate knows that even such a small fight is enough to get someone killed in this town, but without something tying the suspect to the victim closer to time of death it's not exactly the slam dunk that leads to a closed case. Hell, such an argument in this city isn't even enough for the most basic of warrants, not when it was only words flying, not fists.

It doesn't help that she's desperately arguing with herself over whether or not she should call or visit Lanie. Underneath the annoyance and focus on finding some kind of answer, the way Castle's acting has her on edge. It's no different than the boys, and objectively tame compared to how he used to act, but it's the most playboy-like he's been since he started to settle down.

In the middle of all of her worry about what she's feeling and whether or not he feels the same, she's somehow never considered the possibility that he's just hiding the playboy behind a more serious façade in order to fool her or the boys. The fact that it makes almost no sense even to her practiced over-thinking mind should be a clue to step back and let that line of thought drop, but she's nothing if not stubborn. Even when the she's only being stubborn in her own mind.

The running worry beneath her focus is starting to take the place of her case related thoughts, and Kate is honestly angry with herself for being so distracted by a guy that she's losing focus. Friend or no, there's a victim in the morgue that deserves justice and answers, and Kate is nowhere near getting them, and not getting any closer after the fifth time she catches herself composing a text to Lanie in her head. The fact that the boys are all gathered around Esposito's desk giving her no one to bounce ideas off of doesn't help either.

This is shaping up to be a longer case than it has any right to be, and she's honestly debating leaving work early for the night in favor of a girl's night with Lanie to get needed perspective on at least one issue in front of her right now. She knows there's no way she will, there's no way she'll leave work undone just for her own comfort.

She does give in to the urge to text Lanie though, needing some kind of balance to settle her mind. She finds that she doesn't even need the response, as soon as she sends off the admittedly wordy and rambling text her thoughts settle enough to let her focus on the phone records in front of her. At this time of day she knows Lanie is likely busy with an autopsy or some other procedure, not anywhere near her phone. But even just getting her thoughts out in a disorganized jumble of words that seem totally unlike her usual collected self is enough to let her push them to the back of her mind.

It's almost an hour later before her phone buzzes, the boys still gathered around Esposito's desk, though they at least seem to be focused on three separate tasks rather than huddling together talking in hushed whispers with nervous glances her way. They're focused enough that they don't even look up at the noise, and Kate finds she's grateful for that.

 _Quit overthinking it._

Wow, Lanie, that's helpful. After practically an essay, she gets three words from her friend. Kate supposes she's actually lucky, last time she complained to her friend she got "Just jump him". To be fair, that response was to a much less rambling text, more a complaint on not knowing what her feelings were doing.

 _Helpful_ , she sends back as she rolls her eyes out of habit. That's advice she can give herself, even if she's just as bad taking it from herself as she is when she gets it from Lanie.

 _He's a guy. So are Ryan and Esposito. Unless he asks her out or something, you're just worrying too much._

 _What if he's just playing me?_ She's losing focus on the papers in front of her now, but the words were beginning to blur together anyway, and she knows she would have taken a coffee break or something soon anyway. It helps her feel less guilty as she waits for her phone to buzz again without even pretending to read a report.

 _Then he's a bigger idiot than you're being. It's been months, Kate. You're worth waiting for, but a Mr. Playboy wouldn't be the type to do the waiting._

She knows Lanie has a point, she honestly does. But she can't seem to believe it, no matter how hard she tries. She can't manage to remember Rick, right now she's back to seeing him as Castle, that arrogant ass who claimed he could be one of her conquests. What if he's just been in it for the challenge?

She doesn't answer Lanie, and her friend seems willing to let it drop there. Either that, or Kate's finally managed to annoy her friend with her constant problems. Right now, she wouldn't be surprised.

A laugh from the boys draws her attention, and her stomach clenches as she sees the old, familiar smirk on Castle's face as he shows something on his phone to the boys, earning another laugh from them. That damn, womanizing smirk.

It's going to be a long case.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** As much as I hate the last chapter, that's how much I love this chapter. I'm glad it didn't take me as long to write, but it did take this long because I wanted to take my time to get it right, not just rush because I finally reached the point I've been wanting to reach since I started plotting out this story. At this point, I think there's one more chapter, maybe two left in this story, so I want to thank all of you who have read, reviewed, followed, and favorited this story. Your support, whether silent or in the form of review, mean so much to me and I'm grateful for every bit of it. Now, I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

Sometimes Kate hates being right. Not all the time, the number of bets she wins each month against the boys is usually enough to pay for the cost of parking her motorcycle in the city. But those moments early in a case where she knows it's going to be a long one? Those she hates being right about.

It's not even that this case is taking a long time, after the usual wait for phone and financials, and the obligatory hours spent poring over them, it's only two days after they caught the case and they're already rolling back to the precinct with their suspect in custody. It's not quite an open and shut, walk in on the killer with blood on their hands, go home early kind of case, but it's still a solid case that only took a little solid police work to figure out. It's as close to a normal day of work as you can get in a homicide department.

No, the case only seemed to take forever. Kate's exhausted, as if they'd been working all-nighters tracking down thin leads for weeks instead of sitting around looking over statements and waiting for warrants to come through. Between ridiculous emotional upheaval and the three men acting more like high school students, Kate is ready to just put this case to bed and never think of it again.

And after seeing how Castle had acted all case she's ready to put any and all emotions for him, even potential and definitely not admitted to emotions, in a box right next to the case. He'd seemed like a solid friend for months now, still childish, but also mature in his own way. Now she's not sure whether he's actually matured at all, or if it's all just an act. It certainly didn't take very long into the case for any semblance of maturity to disappear and be replaced by someone who more resembled the playboy of the early month than the friend Kate had come to count on.

And Lanie was no help, alternating between telling Kate she's overreacting, and threatening to corner Castle and beat the truth out of him and some sense into him. To be fair, the latter had been mostly after an earlier visit to the morgue and a text from Esposito about their witness that had sent Castle into an incredibly inappropriately timed bout of laughter and earned a death glare from both Lanie and Kate. Lanie had eventually banished from the room when even that formidable combination was only enough to settle him to light chuckling. The only thing they'd managed to understand as he'd laughed was something about legs, and Kate had thought Lanie was about to show him just what legs could do when someone was sufficiently annoyed.

 _"Okay girl, I kinda see what you mean about him and this case. It's like someone flipped a switch on him." As much as she wishes she wasn't getting confirmation like this, Kate is also glad someone else sees what she's been dealing with._

 _"All three of them are like that lately. Castle I might have expected it from, I know you remember me worrying about him just playing me, but the boys? Is it the case, or is it Castle bring the worst of them out?" Okay, so maybe she's still overthinking everything, even if she is convinces there is a good reason to be suspicious and cautious._

 _"Kate, we both know Ryan and Esposito are more than capable of being idiots all on their own. And believe me; the next time you send them down here, they're going to pay." There's a definite glint in her friend's eyes, and Kate can't manage to feel sorry for the boys. In fact, she knows she'll probably send them down here sooner rather than later._

 _"Yeah, but this…this seems more like Castle, and the way he used to be. Maybe it's just how he actually is, and he manages to somehow make it seem okay for the boys to act that way."_

That was when Lanie had offered to beat Castle, before Kate had changed the subject to the case information Lanie had called them down for. That information plus phone records had led to their current suspect, and Kate was sure would help lead to a confession soon enough as well. It was time to just put the case and everything with it behind them.

They're almost back to the precinct now, would be back already if traffic would just cooperate, and she just wants to be done. She doesn't have a day off for another few days, but unless they catch a body tomorrow she'll tell Castle to stay away. Come up with some excuse; tell him to stay home with Alexis of something. She needs a day of just paperwork, no bodies, no cases, and no Castle. She'll send the boys to Lanie to be dealt with, and have an hour or two alone to get herself centered. They just have to get back to the precinct.

"I'm sorry, Kate." As if on some schedule designed to maximize her annoyance, Castle breaks the silence. If it hadn't been an apology, she could almost have shot him. As it is, she settles for shooting him a glare, hoping it somehow comes across more questioning than murderous. Apparently it does, because after a breath, he continues. "I'm not sure exactly what I did, though I know I've been acting a lot more childish these past few days. And obviously something I did made you angrier than normal, so I'm sorry for whatever it was."

She's torn between wanting to slap him for being oblivious, wanting to slap him for bringing it up at all, and wanting to deny everything and refuse to have this conversation. The only thing that stops her from going with option number three is knowing that after all this time following her around, he's grown to know her at least well enough to spot the deflection and call her on it.

She really does not want to be having this conversation, especially stuck in traffic with no way to escape. She's honestly not sure what's taking so long, even in rush hour traffic it shouldn't have been this bad. She swears they haven't moved in ten minutes.

"What makes you think I'm angry?" she finally says, tired of him staring at her. She'd thought she was hiding it better than that.

""Kate, I've been following you around for over seven months now. Believe me; I learned early on how to tell when you're angry. Honestly, it's the same tell you had when we were kids. Your glare has a few different settings, from 'this isn't the place' to 'say another word, I dare you'. I've been getting a lot of those this case." The more he talks, the more Kate leans towards slapping him for being oblivious.

"You've been acting like a child all case, Castle. You and the boys. I'm supposed to be working with trained adults, and you had them acting like hormonal teenagers. I would have expected you to be an ass all case, but when you cost me two detectives, of course I get angry." She's able to stop herself before she really goes off on him, but its close. And even with stopping herself, she's afraid she said too much.

When she risks a glance at him, his face is carefully blank, and she knows she's hurt him. Damn it all, why does this have to be so complicated? Now she feels bad for hurting him, and yet she's still trying to be cautious and wanting to push any and all emotions for him away.

"Well then, I'm definitely sorry I upset you." His voice is as carefully controlled as his face, and damn it if it isn't making Kate want to throw caution to the winds and apologize. How does he manage to do this to her? She has good reasons for being cautious!

They sit in silence for a while, moving about a total of ten feet in as many minutes. "Look, Castle" she finally starts, trying to end the awkward silence even if she has no idea what she's actually going to say.

"No, Kate. I get it. I was kind of an ass this case. I didn't realize it was upsetting you so much." She's glad he's taking responsibility for how he acted all case, but at the same time she knows she was harsher than there was any need to be.

"I still shouldn't have said it like that. You've been childish before, and it's not even always a bad thing." Please let a little humor help the situation. From his short laugh, she thinks it did, but there's still something behind it that pushes her to continue. "I guess I just got used to you acting almost mature, and then you went back to being the annoying idiot I was stuck with when you started following me around. It was just jarring. You weren't being Rick, my friend, anymore. And I may have overreacted to that."

The last line slips out without her permission, and Kate is sure that anything the universe could ask of her she'd give to take it back. He was supposed to be the one apologizing, not her. She wasn't supposed to be feeling anything towards him right now. Not guilt, or remorse, or any other confusing and frustrating emotions she refuses to put a name to.

"Well just for the record" he starts, and it takes all her control to keep from glaring or smacking him when she hears the mischief in his voice. "Ryan and Esposito started it." And there goes her control, because really, how is that any kind of argument? He really is acting like a child, and she's had enough.

"God, Castle! That's what you go with? You're a father, not a child yourself! You cannot blame your immature playboy shit on those two. I know they can be idiots all on their own, but have a little self-respect and own up to when you're being an ass. Just because something came up that you could joke about and quit pretending to take seriously does now mean you get to blame them for something you did for years before meeting them. Castle the playboy isn't welcome on my team, and if that's all there is to you beneath some thin layer of friendship, then you can take what you've already learned following me and call it good. This might be just some joke or adventure to you, but this is my life, and I don't want anyone or anything in it that treats me like a punchline or a conquest."

She's fired up and ready to keep yelling at him, to let all her frustrations from the case loos, but traffic finally starts moving again and she's forced to shift her focus back to the road. And honestly, it's just in time, because as angry as she is with him, she's now angrier with herself for letting him get to her like this.

Because if she'd really let go, who knows what else she might have let slip? It's bad enough that she let herself get this worked up, he doesn't need to know what her feelings are currently doing, or even know enough to suspect anything about them. Not ever, but especially not now and in this kind of situation.

Of course, they only make it about half a mile down the road before traffic stops again. Kate might be a homicide detective, might have practically dedicated her life to getting justice for homicide victims, but she swears if traffic doesn't clear up and let her out of this car, she just might shoot someone herself.

Castle is shifting in his seat next to her, and suddenly she really needs out before he can start speaking again. She sees a park off to their right, and just enough space at the curb to squeeze her cruiser into, and without much conscious thought she pulls into the space and practically runs out of the car. She just needs some air, and some space to run from the press of emotions starting to suffocate her in the car.

She gets the air, but of course Castle is right behind her as she settles onto the swings, trying to catch her breath. She'd glare at him for daring to follow her, but she doesn't want to let him see her face, in case he can somehow tell what's going on in her head written there.

He does let her sit quietly while she catches her breath, and even as angry as she is, she has to admit she's grudgingly thankful for that much. He may have followed her out here, but at least he isn't making her talk just yet.

Once she does get her breath back and he starts talking, it's quiet. So quiet that she can barely hear him, and sounding more serious than she'd thought him capable of being.

"When I started writing, the fame and money went to my head. It was all about the new toys I could buy, or who was dropping my name that week. Then I was going to be a father, and it was all about this woman I loved, and the daughter I could give anything too. That didn't go to my head, it went to my heart. And when it fell apart on me, I had this daughter that I loved, and fame that brought me enough money to keep us both more than comfortable, but nothing else. Other than Alexis, I was empty. And I didn't want to risk trying to find something to fill the space. It just seemed like too much of a risk, so I started to drift." Kate still isn't looking at him, but something in his voice makes her think he might not be looking at her either.

"That was the man who started following you around, the man torn up by a divorce he had never wanted, who was petrified at the thought of being hurt like that again. The man who turned to the toys and the lights and the money to hide the lack of anything real. It was an act, and one I got very good at very quickly. I'd be lying if I said I didn't end up enjoying parts of it, but I always hated how empty it all was. Even when it was second nature, like how I acted those first few cases, there was never anything behind it. And then this work was suddenly there, pulling me in. The victims needed their stories told, and it was all so very real." She's looking at him now, but he's staring off ahead of them, not looking back at her. She wonders if he's ever put this into words for anyone else.

"This case, even though it was just as real as all the others, made it easy to slide back into that act. And you're right, even though the boys did start it, I didn't stop them, or even think about trying. Not when there were jokes to be made, fears that needed burying beneath distractions. That mask came back, the one that I hated as much as I loved. I slipped back into being the man I was years ago, and didn't even notice. And that, Kate, that is why I am sorry. Not just for acting like a child all case, but for making a mockery of the work that I know you live for, and that has become one of the most important things in my life as well."

How is she supposed to stay mad at him after a speech like that? What was she supposed to even say after a speech like that? She'd never even considered any of the things he'd said, in all of her hours of overthinking she'd been far harsher on him than it seems she should have been. This was Rick, her old friend, and she had ignored everything she should have known about him to assume the worst.

They sit in silence for a few more minutes before Kate realizes the boys must have reached the precinct by now. The last thing she needs is them calling, or worse coming to look for them. So she shoots Ryan a quick text saying they'll be late getting back and to handle the interrogation, before shoving her phone back into her pocket. Castle doesn't ask, just keeps slightly swaying in the swing next to her, and she wants to let him know that he's forgiven, and that she's sorry as well.

But no words come to mind, nothing she can say seems like enough. So instead she reaches out and grabs Castle's hand where it's resting on his leg, holding it between them as they swing in silence. He squeezes once, and doesn't pull away, so she thinks maybe he understands.

Things between them might not be fixed or settled, and Kate's emotions are even more of a mess as she tries to sort through the last hour, but at least they're on solid ground.


	12. Chapter 12

They don't talk about things for a few cases, but after their fight and conversation on the swings, they settle into a comfortable rhythm. On the nights Alexis is with his mother or staying with a friend, they go out for drinks and just talk. Sometimes the boys join them, and sometimes they don't, but it's become almost a ritual for the two of them.

Even though there's an unspoken agreement between them to avoid talking about the fight and anything that might have prompted it, they still end up talking about other sensitive subjects as alcohol gives them an excuse. Kate isn't sure about Castle, but she finds that there's something almost cathartic about opening up to him. She never talks about her mother's death, but she finds herself talking about her life, the things they would do in the city.

Castle always pretends to take notes, saying he needs ideas to keep up with Alexis. Kate just laughs and lets him, somehow not surprised when he invites her out with them after slow days to revisit some of the places she's talked about. She turns him down the first time, not sure how well she'll handle visiting her old hangouts, especially not with him and his daughter. She's grown to care for Alexis, but she's not her mother, and surely going to the places her own mother had taken her would be confusing and painful.

She eventually gives in of course. Castle quits playing fair and gets Alexis to invite her, and Kate can't bring herself to refuse the little girl's pleading eyes. And honestly, it isn't as bad as she was expecting. Alexis is too cheerful to leave any room for depressing thoughts, and Kate finds she's able to remember the joys of time with her mother without anything more than a bittersweet tinge from the memories.

She ends up grudgingly grateful to Castle for pushing, the two hours spent with him and his daughter in one night were probably more helpful than the entire year of therapy she'd pushed herself through. It's almost strange, the way acting almost like a family helps push any confusion about what she's feeling to the back of her mind.

She still has no idea what her emotions are doing beyond friendship, but it's easy to not care. He's quickly becoming one of her best friends, and she's somehow okay with just letting that be enough for now.

It's almost unnoticed when their evening drinks turn into evening meals, when Castle starts finding a sitter for Alexis some nights so they can go out for a few hours. It's more like dating than anything they've done before, but it's still just them at the same time. There's no pressure, no assumptions being made, and conversation flows as freely as it does over drinks.

If anything, Kate is almost disappointed they aren't dates, the more often they happen. She's had enough drinking nights with Lanie for her friend to have tricked her into not only discussing the fight but admitting the emotions behind her side.

By now Kate really should know better than to trust Lanie around tequila. She can easily drink her friend under the table, but Lanie's known her long enough to know just how much tequila to pour before secrets start to spill.

Thankfully Kate has a strict "no phone" policy when she's not on call and is planning on drinking, so Castle still has no idea of the emotional revelations that night had brought. If her friend had still had her phone, Kate's sure he would have woken up to a long, rambling voicemail from Lanie describing exactly how Kate felt and what he should be doing to win her over. While that might have moved things forward, it would also have been supremely embarrassing.

And even with having been tricked into admitting feeling for Castle, Kate's still wary of actually acting on them. She's more reassured that her emotions aren't all one sided, but that doesn't make the thought of acting on those feelings any less nerve wracking.

Sure, she loves their nights out, is slowly getting used to the occasional trip somewhere she could never afford on her salary that he insists on paying for. Lanie had just smirked the first time she'd brought up one of those outings, and Kate had to admit it really did sound like a date. But there's still a line, and Kate knows herself well enough to know she's really good at hiding behind lines. Lines are safe, they're comforting and keep things separate, keep things from getting messy. Lines and walls are things Kate knows better than almost anything else.

True, Castle has ignored her walls, found ways past them with a speed that leaves Kate looking on in shock and Lanie smirking in the background. Every boundary Kate has, he's walked past them without hesitation, pushing his way into her life so thoroughly that she doesn't notice him doing it anymore. The line between friends and dating is one of the only ones left for Kate to hide behind, and she's surprised he hasn't pushed the issue at this point.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Months pass, and Kate knows Lanie is getting frustrated at the both of them and their stubborn refusal to accept what she calls the inevitable. Occasionally Kate has to admit that her friend has a point, but never out loud and never in the same room.

She has to admit it when Castle offers her his arm as they walk down the sidewalk at night, neither willing to call an end to their night and go separate ways before they have to. She admits it when Alexis gives her a hug and Castle smiles softly at the two of them in a way that melts her heart a little. She tries not to admit it when he brings her coffee at her desk, because the boys can be as perceptive as Lanie when something catches their attention.

But for the most part, Kate just shrugs at it all, done with obsessing over what she's feeling. Right now the two of them work well together, and she's content to let it stay that way. Their closeness helps the work together as a team, gives her a partner to have her back, another set of eyes and a mind that works differently than hers to see what she might have missed. They may not be actually together romantically, but they're as close as two people can be otherwise. They're solid, stable, and Kate doesn't want to risk that balance.

xxxxxxxxxxx

She's surprised when he invites the team to Alexis' birthday party. Not the one for her friends, but the one for family. She'd known about it for a week already, had cleared her schedule for the night before he'd even asked. Lanie had smirked at that one, but it was for his daughter and there was no way Kate was going to disappoint the girl.

The boys' reactions are amusing, to say the least. She'd almost forgotten they didn't know Castle had a daughter, having long ago lost her fears of being called domestic.

"Dude, you've been holding out on us! How did we not know you had a kid? Is this why we never have Madden nights at your place?" Trust Esposito to focus on the gaming rather than the kid.

"Yeah man, what if we have to work that night? A little warning would have been nice." At least Ryan doesn't seem as shell shocked by the news. Either that or he's just better at hiding it that Esposito.

"You don't have to work that night, I already arranged for our team to be off. We're not even on call unless there's some citywide emergency, all hands on deck event." As the boys swing around to stare at her in disbelief, Kate thinks she maybe should have left the explaining to Castle. She's not afraid of what the boys might say, but they are trained interrogators and she's suddenly handed them a puzzle to solve.

"You knew about this? For how long?" So maybe Ryan isn't better at hiding shock than Esposito, Kate notes with an internal smirk to avoid antagonizing them.

"Of course I knew about Alexis, I'm a detective." She's not going to let them know she'd been as blindsided as they are now, but she can see Castle smirking at her from behind the boys and knows she's going to hear about it later. "Now, Castle has been enough of an idiot to invite the two of you into his extended family, so why don't you answer the man so he can plan how many of his games he's going to need to hide before you show up."

Ryan and Esposito shoot her the same wounded look, and it's all she can do to keep from laughing in their faces. Really, they're just too easy to mess with. And beside the fun of teasing her friends, it's enough to keep them off balance enough that they miss any other implications that the conversation might have brought up.

After getting their agreement to show up at the party, and to remember that it's a family dinner being held for a small child, Castle makes his way back over to Kate's desk and settles into his chair. The smirk from earlier has returned, and Kate quickly sends the boys to pull some files before they can eavesdrop and overhear what she's sure is coming next.

"So, you know because you're a detective, huh?" Castle says as soon as the boys are in the elevator. She'd glare, but she knows she's not getting out of this.

"Technically, yes. I know about Alexis because I'm a detective." She's been rationalizing to herself since she first saw him smirk, and suddenly she's very glad that she has so much practice coming up with excuses and rationalizations for her emotions. She's still going to lose this round, but at least it'll be a better fight.

"And here I was under the impression that you knew because I called you, while deathly sick, to cash in on a favor that you owed me and take care of my poor child."

"That is also technically true. But if I wasn't a detective, then we would never have reconnected, the favor would likely have never been cashed, and I would not know you had a daughter. So obviously, I know you have a daughter because I am a detective." It's all empty rationalizations, but they're technically true. Even if she hadn't meant anything like that when teasing the boys.

To her surprise, Castle just sits back in his chair, still smirking but obviously not interested in pressing the issue at this point.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate somehow ends up roped into helping with the part, and she's pretty sure either Lanie or Martha had a hand in it. She's not all that sure about Martha yet, but she knows Lanie is not above meddling to set something up. Especially when her friend has been making more comments than Kate can count about how she needs to set her hesitation aside and just go for it.

However it happened, Kate ends up spending the entire day with Castle and his family getting ready for the party. And she has to admit, she has a nice time with them, Martha keeping her entertained with stories Castle hadn't told her about his childhood. She's sure if he ever meets her father, she'll be on his side of the table, but for now she's content to laugh with the older woman about a young Richard's various embarrassing situations.

She's almost surprised to hear herself volunteer to cook once they've got the dining room set up for the party, but stubbornly insists once Martha and Castle try to insist in return that she's a guest and shouldn't have to help. It helps that she's only there this early to help, and eventually she wins the argument, shooing Martha out of the kitchen with a smile. She'd try to shoo Castle as well, but she's never had much luck with that before and doubts she'd have any more this time.

And surprisingly they work well together in his kitchen, she's only threatened to stab him twice, and he's only crashed into her once. They bicker and tease and joke just like they do at the precinct or when they're out for drinks. And it takes Kate a few hours to realize comfortable she is, how easily she slides into the space. There are no awkward hesitations, no asking permission or deferring to Castle. At least for these few hours, this is as much her space as it is his.

When Alexis runs up to her about an hour before the rest of the guests arrive, she's knows she's gone.

"Thanks for not letting Gram cook" the girl whispers into her hair once Kate has knelt to pull her into a tight hug, earning a chuckle from Kate and a curious look from Castle. There has to be a story or two there, and Kate thinks she can probably get them out of Castle at dinner, after the stories his mother had been sharing earlier.

Right now though, she's happy to hug Alexis and get a smile out of her. It's not that it's hard to get a smile out of the girl, but today Kate feels good for giving the girl a reason to smile. So she holds the hug for a minute longer before remembering the food and letting go. She doesn't remember when she and Alexis became so close, but she's also not in the mood to dwell on it.

Instead she turns back to the stove as Alexis runs out of the kitchen, noticing Castle smiling at her from where he's mixing the salad. "What?" she asks, trying not to be self-conscious. It's hard though, with the way he's looking at her. She's never seen that particular smile on his face before.

If she hadn't already known, and stopped denying, that she had feelings for the man, her response to that look would have smacked her over the head and made her realize. As it is, she's a little taken aback by how strongly she's reacting, as a smile makes its way onto her face with no input from her brain.

"I'm just happy to see Alexis happy" he says after a moment. And Kate would normally buy that, but she's seen him smile at Alexis, and it never looks like this. Then there's the fact that Alexis is off behind him somewhere, but his eyes are still fixed on hers.

She's almost ready to call him on it, to push aside her fears and actually talk with him about what's going on between them. It hits her suddenly, the desire to settle things between them. Probably because it's hard to be afraid your feelings aren't returned when someone is looking at you like you hung the stars or something.

The cheesiness of that thought is enough to remind her of their surroundings, and a quick glance at the clock reveals that their friends will be over in less than an hour. And really, the kitchen is not the place for this kind of talk, not with his mother and daughter in the other room. It's a discussion to be had settled on the couch with a good glass of wine, or out in a restaurant over a relaxing dinner.

Somewhere they can take their time to talk about it all. Their partnership, their careers, his family, the precinct and her coworkers, all the things Kate has worried about for months. And she's sure he'll have things to discuss too, will want reassurances of his own. So all in all, his kitchen before his daughter's party really isn't the place to push the issue.

So even though she can't push the smile from her face, she turns back to the stove and her cooking. They can talk later, and now Kate is sure that she'll actually go through with starting the conversation rather than pushing it away because she's afraid, like she has before. She's pretty sure Lanie would disown her at this point, if she told her friend about the smile and rush of feelings and didn't follow it up with some kind of conversation about what they meant.

The sound of the doorbell cuts through her thoughts, and Kate looks at the clock in surprise. They still have a good amount of time before anyone should be arriving, and she'd been hoping to use a few of those minutes to freshen up after hours of cooking and baking.

Instead Martha is opening the door and inviting Lanie into the apartment. As the two make small talk, Kate notices her friend smirking at the kitchen where she and Castle are putting the finishing touches on the food. Of course her friend had shown up thirty minutes early, after plotting to get Kate here even earlier to help. Obviously her friend is tired of waiting for Kate to make a move, and is perfectly willing to help things along.

And even if Kate has decided that she'll be starting the conversation as soon as a halfway decent opportunity presents itself, she knows Lanie's ideas of a good time are not going to involve the same things her definition will. And as much as she loves her friend, and knows she means well, this is something Kate knows she has to do on her own, her way, if she wants it to work out.

"Hey Lanie, why don't you help me get cleaned up, then we can introduce you to Alexis." Kate is staring he friend down, knowing Castle is looking at her curiously and Martha is hiding a grin behind her hand, but refusing to focus on either of them. She needs to talk to Lanie before her friend can bring something up at what is supposed to be Alexis' party. She's just glad Alexis had run upstairs to get ready herself, giving Kate the opportunity to pull her friend aside.

Apparently her stare is enough to convince her friend that she's serious, because Lanie nods and lets Kate pull her into the downstairs bathroom where her hair supplies and outfit for tonight are waiting.

"Spill Kate, what's got you so worked up that you're pulling me in here _before_ introducing me to Alexis?" Lanie is smirking as she leans against the door, watching Kate run a hand through her hair as if physically trying to gather her thoughts.

"Lanie, you're my best friend and I love you, but I also know you well enough to know when you're plotting something." The innocent look on Lanie's face is a little too carefully blank as she shakes her head in denial, and Kate has to fight back a sigh. "This is not the time or the place, so please, let it go for tonight." Looking at her watch, Kate realizes she needs to hurry up if she's going to be ready on time.

"Oh come on Kate! This is a great opportunity to get it all out there. A nice, family dinner, Martha and I both here to push you two along. You two have been dropping it for far too long, and for a while you had good reason, I'll give you that. But at this point, if no one pushes you, you're never going to get anywhere." Lanie has that determined look on her face that always worries Kate when it's directed at her. It usually means that she's going to do what she thinks needs to be done, and Kate should hold on for the ride.

"Lanie, I'm going to talk to him okay? Just not tonight, because tonight is for Alexis." It's the first time Kate has made any kind of commitment to talk to Castle, and it seems to shock Lanie into silence, giving Kate enough time to quickly change shirts while she waits for her friend to process.

"Katherine Beckett, if you're just trying to play me so I let it drop for tonight, I will pick the most embarrassing story you have ever told me while drunk, and tell the boys." Well, if Kate hadn't already decided she was talking to Castle as soon as she got a chance, that might have made up her mind for her. There is zero doubt in Kate's mind that Lanie would do exactly that, and there's not a lot worth that punishment in Kate's mind.

"Lanie, we have to get out there for the party, so you're going to have to accept a rain check on an explanation, but I swear I'm going to talk to him. There was some kind of moment earlier, and I promise I will tell you about it next time we have a girls' night. No get that look off your face like Christmas came early, tell me how my hair looks, and let's get back out there." Kate's hoping that the vague hints and promise of explanations will placate her friend for the night, and from the look on Lanie's face, it worked.

"Kate, you know your hair looks fine, so quit fishing for compliments from me and go start fishing for them from Castle. And I am so holding you to that girls' night, so mark your calendar." The smirk is back on Lanie's face, but at least Kate isn't going to be worried all night that she'll start something to get a reaction.

When the leave the bathroom, Kate's glad to see that neither of the boys has arrived yet. It makes things a little less awkward, though she can tell Lanie is trying not to smirk at how comfortable Kate clearly is in the apartment. Hopefully once the boys show up, they can get started on dinner and avoid any awkward comments.

Kate can tell Alexis is getting a little shy as she cuddles into her father's side, and without thinking about it, takes charge of the introductions. "Hey Alexis, I'd like you to meet my friend Lanie. She works with me, so she kind of works with your father too. Lanie, this is Alexis."

"Hi Alexis" Lanie says with a smile, not pushing for a hug or handshake, obviously knowing the little girl will take a minute to warm up to her. "I hear it's your birthday party tonight, and your dad wanted you to meet some of the people he works with so we can be friends with you too."

"Yeah" Alexis nods, looking up at her father and then over to Kate for reassurance. "He said once we meet, we'll all be good friends, and it'll be like we're all family, like he is with you already."

Kate has to admit Castle scored some big points with that one. She knows she's smiling at the little girl and her father, and knows Lanie is too. Even though she's trying not to think about things too much, wanting tonight to be about Alexis, Kate can't help but melt a little at the thought of the group as a family, as strange and likely dysfunctional as they might be.

The five of them make small talk for a few minutes more, making sure to include Alexis in the conversation as they wait for the boys to show. Ryan is first, and Alexis seems completely charmed by the detective, smiling shyly at him as he's introduced. She also seems to love the fact that both his first and last name could be first names, and occasionally switches between them with a giggle.

When Esposito shows up she withdraws a little, but between Kate and Lanie they get her laughing again. It's almost amazing how quickly the girl takes to the new adults, but Kate supposes it helps that they work with her father, and that two of them are detectives like Kate. They aren't explaining what Lanie does yet, even the daughter of Richard Castle probably doesn't need to know details like that until she's older.

Dinner is fairly quiet, the adults getting to know Alexis rather than acting like they normally would hanging out after work. There's some light teasing from the boys as Martha compliments Kate on a meal well cooked, but Lanie seems to take her promise of no pushing seriously, and between her glare and Kate's, the boys quickly drop it in favor of honest compliments and asking Alexis about her schoolwork.

When Castle brings out the cake they'd spent the afternoon making, it strikes Kate just how much like a family they've actually been acting tonight. Alexis has even started calling Ryan "Uncle Kevin", much to Esposito's obvious jealousy. Kate knows they'll get there, but she can understand why Alexis is a little reserved towards him. She knows the other detective is a good man, but he's also got this edge around him that can be hard to turn off, and Alexis is perceptive.

She can also tell that Ryan wants to make a comment about Kate not being "Aunt Kate" the first time Lanie gets the honorific, but a quick glance from Lanie is enough to keep him quiet. Kate knows she'll end up hearing all about it when they get to work and away from Alexis, but for now she's glad Lanie has apparently decided to run interference.

"All right, Alexis, time to make a wish and blow out the candles!" It's hard to tell who is more excited, Alexis or her father. Kate just rolls her eyes at them both, pulling the trick candle out of the cake and replacing it with a regular one she'd hidden next to her plate before dinner, when she'd seen Castle laughing over the cake.

"Be nice to your daughter, Castle, it's her birthday" is all she says as he pouts at her, the others laughing in the background. Alexis is looking up at her with a puzzled expression, and Kate just shakes her head. "He was going to play a trick on you, Alexis, and I stopped him. Now you can blow out your candles with no problems."

"Thank you, Kate" the girl says with a smile, before closing her eyes and thinking while they sing to her. Once they finish the song, she leans forward and blows the candles out in one go, not noticing her father right behind her to make sure they all go out the first time.

"So, what did you wish for?" Esposito asks with a grin, wincing when Lanie smacks his arm.

"You know she can't tell you if she wants it to come true. Quit trying to trick the girl." There's obviously a good natured fight building between the adults, and Kate tries not to laugh at their antics.

"I know, that's why I wished for what I did." Alexis' soft words are enough to cut through the laughter from the adults, and they all look at her in surprise. "If I tell you, it won't come true, so I wished for something I _don't_ want to come true, so I can tell you all, and then the opposite will happen."

"That's…kind of genius" Ryan eventually says, as they all sit staring at Alexis in mild shock.

Alexis just shrugs, looking shy again at all the attention. Castle looks like he's ready to hug her and never let go, so Kate jumps in before he can embarrass her. "So then, Alexis, what did you wish for?"

"I wished that Daddy would take forever to ask you out on a date so you'd never realize he likes you." Alexis is completely matter of fact as she tells them, so it takes a moment for her words, and the implied opposite, to sink in.

Once they realize what she's basically wished for, everyone but Kate and Castle start laughing, as the two subjects of the wish stare at each other in shock.

"Alexis, we are definitely going to be good friends" Lanie says, leaning in for a high five.

Kate is slowly getting over her surprise, and she thinks Castle is as well, but suddenly she can't manage to look at him. Obviously his daughter has inherited his flair for dramatic, and Kate is a little blindsided by how abruptly it was put out there.

She only vaguely notices the laughter dying out, and knows she needs to tune back in before she upsets Alexis and makes her think she made a bad wish. But before she can fully recover, there's a hand taking hers, tugging lightly upward, and she finds herself standing, turning to face Castle as the rest of her shock fades.

"Well, Kate. It looks like my daughter beat me to it, and apparently I'm supposed to ask you out now. So how about it? Would you like to go out with me sometime?" Castle looks genuinely nervous, and Kate completely understands how he's feeling. This was supposed to be a private conversation, not something with an audience of family and coworkers.

No, it's just an audience of family, Kate realizes as she looks into Castle's eyes. They're more than just coworkers, and the word isn't enough to describe any of them. And with the realization that they really are a family, unorthodox and strange as it may seem, her nervousness falls away and she smiles at Castle.

"I'd love to" is all she says, before pulling him in for a kiss, not caring that they have an audience. After all, they're family.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** And there it is, the completion of the story. I debated trying to squeeze another chapter out of it, but it seemed forced, and I like how this ends it. I didn't want to get too heavily into the complicated questions that Kate mentioned, all the questions about what Kate is going to be to Alexis, anything heavy about how Castle's celebrity will affect their relationship, anything like that. I'm keeping an open mind about a sequel, but I don't see it happening soon, at very least. If you want a sequel, please feel free to let me know, because a sequel to an AU story takes a little more figuring than a canon excerpt. Whether or not I return to this story and 'verse, I will definitely be writing more Castle fic in the future, though most of the plots running through my head right now are Pitch Perfect related, so if you're multi-fandom trash like I am, keep an eye out for those. If you're not, or aren't a Pitch Perfect fic fan, then apologies in advance if you followed the author page.

There are a few notes on reviews and PM questions I've gotten that I want to address, even though the story is complete at this point. Yes, Kate was dragging her feet and moving at a glacial pace. This was season one, early season two Kate, the one who barely admits that she enjoys having Castle around. Even with the childhood friendship, there was no way she would have just jumped in with both feet without a lot of prompting. I also had originally intended for this chapter and the last one to be all one larger chapter, but eventually decided the party should stand alone, which unfortunately resulted in things being drawn out that much more, both story-wise and for the readers.


End file.
